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Cigar Nazis
Written by Kevin Godbee

Monday, 01 June 2009

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Tags:
smoking etiquette


Uh, hate to tell ya, Heir Blowhard, but just about every doctor, dentist, surgeon and health practitioner I know smokes cigars. Oh, I’m not kidding, you intolerant goon. There’s a reason for that, you know. It’s because cigars are the greatest stress reducer known to mankind. There isn’t a prescription any of those doctors could give you that would have the same wonderful effects as an evening on your back deck with your best buddies and some magnificent hand rolled cigars.

Oh, hey Nazi person. While you’re at it, keep pressuring the government to raise taxes on tobacco. No, really, great idea. You’ll make smoking so expensive that the world will have to quit. And then, the billions that are raised in tax revenues each year will just have to come from somewhere else. Maybe more can come out of your salary? I mean, you don’t really give Uncle Sam enough of your hard earned dough, do you? Come on, you’re a patriot with all your do-gooder politically correct smoke killing work. I’m sure you wouldn’t mind shilling out a little more money since there won’t be any evil smokes to raise the dough to cover the costs of running this fine nation of ours. I can see you’ve thought this whole thing through.

Okay Mr. person who wants to play God so bad. The gloves are off and I’m going to punch your face in. No, really, you annoy the hell out of me. Stay out of my personal life. You can educate to kids, that’s well and fine. Sure, pregnant mothers shouldn’t puff. But please don’t tell a grown up what he can and cannot do – especially if it isn’t hurting anyone around him. Oh please don’t hand me your second hand smoke horse-crap again. Please produce a death certificate of anyone who has gone on record of dying from second hand smoke. You can’t, because it doesn’t exist. And now you are touting THIRD HAND smoke! Good lord, people getting disease and dying from smelling a carpet or a sweater. Are you completely mental? Next will be the dangerous effects of fourth hand smoke from watching someone on TV or in the movies having a smoke. Then we’ll have fifth hand smoke which will derive from people just talking about it. God please save us all from the impending apocalyptic doom.

Hey Smoke Nazi… you’re a smug, angry turd and I don’t really like you very much. You want to take away my passion and my love and that is not going to happen – you hear me? Yeah, yeah, yeah, Mr. Parrot, just keep squawking the same rhetoric over and over and over: Smoking is bad for you. Hey, you drink soda? Eat meat? Munch on chips? Take a sip of booze or two? Scarf a Jelly donut once in a while? Take a hit of refer in the past? Yeah, I knew you did. Of course you realize that stuff is all much safer than cigar smoking. Hey, you ever breathe in bus fumes or walk around the big city? How about drink a little tap water?

Bro, I hate to tell you, but you haven’t got much longer to live and I suggest you start smoking cigars and learn to live your life a little.

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Comments 

 
0 # Apparently some images are too strong for peopleJon Caputo 2009-06-01 02:04
so we cleaned up the offending images

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0 # cigar nazisGary K 2009-06-01 02:56
I wasn't aware of the "third-hand-smoke" conspiracy. Well stated, if a bit over dramatic in parts, but on this site, you're preachin' to the choir. Since we live in a free society (so far) with free speech and the right to vote, it will always be an uphill battle for cigar smokers and smokers in general. Most people in this country do not want to be around smokers and that's their right. I just wish lawmakers were a little more sensitive to us, but we're only about 1% of the population, so fight-on amigo.

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0 # Are you f*cking kidding me?Kevin Godbee 2009-06-01 03:28
Wow! What amazingly sensitive people we have here. I would have left the photos up and told them to take a chill pill. It's so ironic that my article about anti-smoking zealots "Smoke Nazis" became censored by the overzealous PC Police.

The photos removed were:

1. A No Smoking sign that was a cross between the red circle with a line through it for no smoking and a Nazi symbol (bent cross) in the middle along with a number to report smoking violations to the secret police.

2. A sign with the hammer and sickle (old Sovient Union symbol that symbolizes communism) and the words No Smoking Comrade. Your body is a property of the state.

Whoever didn't like those pictures should have their smoking rights taken away and with those attitudes it will probably happen.

Anyone that wants to see the pictures, send me an email to and I will send them to you.

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0 # Well said GaryJon Caputo 2009-06-01 03:29
I think your comment is right on target. I agree the article is a little of the dramatic side but thats exactly the point I believe the author is trying to make.

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0 # I know Kevin.. I knowJon Caputo 2009-06-01 03:31
It just wasnt worth the nasty emails so I took it down..but I think the article still makes its point minus the image

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0 # Executive Director, Cigar Rights of AmericaGlynn Loope 2009-06-01 11:36
Honestly, it's time for some drama...drama that tells the story of rights being lost; drama that depicts a country that is allowing laws that go on the books that say cigar enthusiasts can't assemble; that though a court may not impose such a sentence, that jail time and $1,000 fines "can be" imposed for violating smoking ban statutes. We have too many communities that are using valuable police time to "escort" the local health department to local bars to "enforce" the will of what is sometimes an unelected health district board. No...indeed, it's time for some drama and passion to roll back these draconian laws across this country....and yes, "third hand smoke" will be the next wave in justification for new smoking restrictions.
Thanks for the time....
Glynn Loope, Executive Director
Cigar Rights of America

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0 # well said glynnJon Caputo 2009-06-01 11:58
we need more articles like this that get people revved up and take action to protect our rights.

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0 # winston 2009-06-01 13:01
I whole heartedly agree with everything you said. And yes the third hand smoke it taking it a little to far, can't wait on the fourth and fifth hand smoke.controversy lets start the bull [censored] now.

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0 # Paul12 2009-06-01 16:57
There's really nothing you can do, the gov't is going to take away our rights more and more as time goes on, smokers will just have to learn to live with it. You know the funny thing is most anti-smokers have like never even tried a cigar in their life. A lot of them don't even know what they're missing. Too many people are under the impression that all smoking kills you. If you smoke in moderation, and not abuse it or be stupid about it, the health risks are minimized. I've even heard studies that show that light smokers actually live longer than non-smokers beause smoking a little reduces blood pressure and stress. And, light smoking is often recommended to people with irritable bowel syndrome because it relieves symptoms. Everything that grows on this planet was put here to be used--that includes tobacco, and it was meant to be used, not abused. The problem is most of the legislators and public at large think everyone is a chain-smoking Marlboro idiot, when it's not true. They equate cigars with cigarettes, and the two could not be further apart.
It's unfortunate but we all saw it coming, the taxes, the banning, it's going to get worse and fighting and getting mad won't help. We should just try to enjoy our cigars no matter what happens.

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