Written by Ashley

Monday, 04 July 2005

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dating tipswomen and romance

This week's article: So, you suddenly find yourself single after a marriage or long-term relationship ends. You may feel awkward and confused as you reenter the dating world. The good news is that you're not alone!..

Relationship and Dating AdviceDating requires a special social and emotional muscle that grows weak without usage. However, the good news is that you can strengthen that muscle again. You can soon return to your dating prime performance. Like any other good exercise regimen you will need to be consistent, energetic, and true unto it. Here are the steps that will get you back into dating shape in no time flat.

(1.) Wrap up any lingering business from your past relationship.

Unfinished business from a previous relationship is a bigger hindrance to a new relationship than you may think. This is because when a previous relationship ended you suffered some degree of loss. You must allow yourself to grieve for it, and to experience all the feelings that consists of. This will take some time. During this time you do not want to date out of revenge, to prove yourself eligible, or to end the feelings of loneliness. You really do not want to date until you are over your last relationship. However, you also do not want to maintain responsibilities and patterns from a past relationship as this will make you seem as though you are unavailable. Remember, it is impossible to hold on and let go at the same time.

(2.) Get your life back into good working order.

A new relationship is not going to fix what is broken in your day-to-day life. While this may temporarily distract you, it is not a solution. Eventually you are going to have to face your new life. So, you are better off taking care of things now, by asking yourself these questions: Is everything in your life in good working order? Are you healthy emotionally? It is important that you feel sane and happy, and that your behavior is honest, open, and free from manipulation. Cleaning up your own life will make you sexier and more attractive to the women. This is because a happy, healthy, successful person is self-confident and that in and of itself is a very attractive trait.

(3.) Give yourself a makeover.

While we all want to be loved for the person that we are on the inside, first impressions show your outer self and they are very important. So, make yourself look the best that you can, then you will also feel great. A new relationship is the perfect time for a new beginning. So, why not take some time to give yourself a makeover. Do simple things like try a new haircut, a new cologne, loose some weight, and buy yourself a new outfit to wear on your first date. Have fun, and enjoy the results!

(4.) Determine what qualities you desire in your mate.

Take a moment to make a list of the qualities and characteristics that you would like to have in your new mate. Take into consideration the issues of compatibility, communications style, behavior traits, interests, energy, life goals, relationship goals, personality, and intelligence. While you should keep you expectations high, it i important that you also be realistic as well. Therefore, once you have made your list, take a moment to divide them into two categories: "must have" and "preferred." Once you have done this, take and cross off half of your preferred criteria and move a few of the "must haves" into the preferred category. The final step is to list these things in order of priority. While you need to remember that nobody is going to have all of these qualities and characteristics, there will be potential dates that have qualities and characteristics that you have not considered but still appreciate. You need to allow yourself to be pleasantly surprised.

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(5.) Remember! You have a lot to offer.

Each individual is a beautiful person on the inside. Each person deserves the many good things that love and life can provide. It is quite unfortunate that many of us have forgotten how unique and loveable we truly are. Others of us fall into playing the comparison game. This rigged game is something that we should avoid since we seldom seem to be or have enough and thus we come out looking like a loser. This is a game that is easy to find ourselves playing once an unhappy relationship ends. Then we only end up with damaged self-esteem. So, don't forget how much you have to offer the world! Remember, the real you is not the same as your ex-lover's bitter perspective of you. If you need to, ask your friends and family to remind you how special you are. Ask them to remind you that while your relationship mat have failed, that doesn't mean that your life has failed.

(6.) Let people know that you are single once again.

There are a lot of successful relationships that have come about as the result of amateur matchmaking by a mutual friend. so, if you have recently become single again, you may still be perceived as being "off the market." You will need to speak up to set the record straight. Let your friends, family, and colleagues know that you are single, available, and looking. Make sure that you take off any jewelry that may be mistaken as an engagement or wedding ring. Take pictures of the ex off your desk, out of your wallet, and off the walls at home. Most importantly, don't feel ashamed of being single again. 

(7.) Make a plan and go for it!

Devote your time and energy to find8ing yourself a new partner. Here are some things that you can do: 
• Post an ad on an online dating site. Then commit yourself to sending at least one e-mail a day to someone on that site.
• Join clubs. Go to dances. Attend all the real world parties you are invited to. You might even consider having a party of your own. 
• Flirt with people you meet at the store. 
• Date as many eligible singles as possible. 
• Become friends with some of your dates whom you do not feel romantically about. They have friends of their own who might be perspective partners for you. 
• Continue evaluating your efforts and fine-tuning your strategy. Do not fear being rejected. Rejection will come, but you need to still stay in the game until you are in the relationship that you desire. 

When you suddenly find yourself single again, you do not need to feel awkward and confused. You can soon become a strong dating candidate once again. By following these steps you can soon have a girlfriend again.

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© 2005, Kevin Godbee

Re-print with permission only.
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