Now you may think I'm picking on a specific magazine, but honest I'm not.  I'm really focusing on my inability to educate my palate in the worldly ways of those people that can actually relate to the ads for $50,000 watches, and half a million dollar cars.  I know, I know, you're reading this and you're saying to yourself, "What a complete moron this guy is, he can't even taste Aruban honey nectar in those Hemingway Short Stories".  I admit it, I'm honey nectar challenged.

So consider this the first step in my 12 step program, where I announce that "my name is Paul, and I have a palate problem."

I made the mistake of saving many of my back issues of that magazine that has four or five pages dedicated to cigars, and 15 to 20 pages dedicated to ads for that power broker watch that's only available on Madison Avenue in New York.  I decided to look through some of them and see if perhaps they could shed some light on the challenged palate that I am trying to come to grips with.

As I was combing through an old issue, December of 2006 to be exact, I found some interesting information.  For example, did you know that in the Quintessa Corona, those with a professional palate can taste "overly sweet fruitcake characters"?  I guess that sheds some light on my first mistake, I've never taken the chance and eaten any of those Christmas fruitcakes I've been given.  I guess I'll be more appreciative next year when that seven pound fruitcake shows up at the front door.

And just to send me deeper into depression, a cigar I've smoked many of, and have come to truly enjoy, the Graycliff Chateau Grand Cru President, seems to present some flavors that I have again missed completely.  It seems this 7" x 48 ring gauge cigar is not only smooth, creamy and delicious, but it has notes of "granola, leather, earth and spice".  Now isn't that an interesting mixture?  I can say that I've eaten a granola bar on a leather couch while residing on earth and wearing old spice, but that just didn't do enough to train my palate to be able to discern these flavors in a cigar.  I briefly thought about throwing some dirt, spices, old leather shoes, and whole grain oats in a blender, just to blend them up and have a taste.  I had second thoughts though as I was concerned the shoelaces would throw off what I was trying to capture from a flavor perspective.

Leave it to the fine and fertile soils of Nicaragua to be able to produce tastings that include leather, nougat and cherry in the same cigar.  If you're looking for this top notch combination, be sure to check out the Oliva Special S No. 4.  I know I once had a candy bar that claimed to have a creamy nougat center, but I have a feeling that was not what the fine folks at Oliva had in mind when blending the cigar.  I hope they don't run into any trademark infringement with the candy companies.

I further realized my tasting shortcomings when I saw that the Oliveros XL For Men Double Corojo XL/60 had the unique combination of "cedar and apple flavors and a bit of amaretto on the palate".  Damn, that's one heck of an after dinner drink.  Perhaps the tasters enjoyed this cigar after dinner, while they were enjoying their deserts of apple pie and amaretto?  Or then again, perhaps they have that world-renowned, sports car tuned palate that only those professional tasters have.  I almost feel like they're flexing their beach muscle like tasting skills at my puny taste buds.

Lastly, as I turned some of the final pages of that old magazine, I sighed in sadness when I realized in all the Montecristo No. 4's I had smoked I had never tasted that combination of "coffee and sweet wood".  There was a glimmer of hope however; as I could have sworn that I had tasted "bitter wood" in my Monte 4.  Looks like I was close, but no cigar.  I do resolve though to pay closer attention next time I am sampling the different flavors of wood.