Written by Ashley

Monday, 29 August 2005

User Rating: / 1

dating tipswomen and romance

This week's article: Everyone thinks that love is what happens when your knees go weak, your palms sweat, your stomach turns and you begin to stammer. People say that there is "chemistry" between two people when sparks fly between them. But these things are not what love is all about. Sure they contribute to the warm, comfortable feeling that exists between you and your partner, but they are not what love is all about. So, what is love?...

Dating & Relationship AdviceLet's begin by looking at what love is NOT. Love does not hurt. Therefore, physical and emotional abuse is not a part of love. Love is not manipulative. It should not be used in order to get what you want from another person. You should also never find yourself giving in to demands because your partner uses the phrase, "You would do this if you loved me!" Another thing that should not be confused with love is sex. Sex can be a part of love but it in and of itself is not love.

Of course there are also a few feelings that you can confuse with love. For instance, it is easy to confuse lust for love. However, when you stop to think about it you will see that you are physically attracted to a person. This is not true love! True love is based on commitment and trust not physical attraction. You may also confuse romantic love with true love. This is the love that you can feel for more than one person at the same time. However, romantic love eventually fades.

On the other hand, love is an intense feeling of caring for another person. A big part of love is putting another's happiness ahead of your own. However, this does not mean that you should compromise your values nor does it mean that you should ever be untrue to yourself. Love should make you feel happy, secure, and appreciated.

Falling into love has its ups and downs as it changes with the growing of your relationship. You begin by rushing into love head first. After a few weeks you may find yourself becoming neurotic wondering if you are being used, if your partner loves you as much as you love her, and if she is going to leave you just as soon as you fall in love. These thoughts are not pleasant but everyone experiences them as they head towards being a couple. If you think this is bad, just wait, things get even more complicated the longer you are in love. This is because we share our weaknesses, strengths, dreams, and worries with our partners. Of course, these things can be used for good. They can be used to help build us up and help us feel stronger, more secure, and even happier. Yet, these things can also be used against us, leaving us feeling vulnerable and even abused. This is part of love though. Having our "buttons" pushed is just a natural part of the give and take in any relationship.

So, how do you know if you're in love?

Here are some questions that will help you know whether or not this is really love.
(1.) Would you be willing to let her go if you thought that would be the best thing for her?
(2.) Are you willing to wait for this person if she is not willing to have sex with you right away?
(3.) Would you feel the same way if she gained weight?
(4.) Are you willing to sacrifice your dreams so that hers can come true?
(5.) Do you respect and admire her?
(6.) Would you feel the same way about her if she got sick?
(7.) If you two got into an argument would you still feel the same way about her?

If you answered "Yes" to all of these questions you now know that you have strong feelings for this person. However, if you find yourself having answered "No" to any of these questions, you need to do some thinking. Why did you answer the way that you did? Is it a lack of trust? Is it because you're afraid? Is it selfishness? Do you need more time to get to know each other?

So, how do you go about showing love?

Here are some ways in which you can show love:

(1.) When you want to take her out on a date, call her at least four days in advance and request the pleasure of her company.
(2.) When you are going out for the evening, dress classy.
(3.) When dining in, cook most of the meal yourself. However, you will want to invite your partner to join you to help with the finishing touches. This will give the meal a sense of partnership. Your meal should be a feast for the senses. Choose a meal that is both homey and delicious. For instance, roast chicken with mashed potatoes drizzled with truffle oil.
(4.) When eating out, choose a restaurant based upon its romantic potential. Make sure that there is soft lighting, a somewhat quiet ambiance, and a menu rooted in the Romance Languages (French, Spanish, or Italian).
(5.) When the bill arrives you should discreetly take it and not allow her to see it. If she offers to split the bill with you, politely decline. Simply tell her that her company was payment enough.
(6.) When you go to the movies ask your date if there is anything that she would like to see. (7.) When you rent a video, go for a popular drama, comedy, or foreign film.
(8.) When you go to a party tell her that she is the most beautiful woman in the room. After telling her that, take her somewhere to look at the stars and kiss her softly on the lips.
(9.) Whenever you throw your own party, introduce her to everyone as "Michelle, my girlfriend." You also want to make sure that no ex-girlfriends will be there unless they are truly good friends without having any ulterior motives. 
(10.) Surprise your girlfriend with your high class tastes. For instance, get box seats at the opera and offer to buy her the libretto.

If you are wondering whether or not you're in love, you need to take some time to clearly think through these things. Ask yourself what you think it means to be "in love." You don't want to pressure yourself to define your feelings as love, nor do you want others to pressure you into doing so either. If you're not sure as to whether or not you are really in love give yourself some time and ask yourself these questions again at a later time. You might be surprised to see just how your feelings have changed.

The best advice anyone can give you is to take love, in all its various forms, and try to embrace it. Don't get scared when you realize that "some of the passion is gone," after the first month, or after the first year, because right around the corner is another type of love that brings its own rewards.

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© 2005, Kevin Godbee

Re-print with permission only.
To get permission, email: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

"Women. Can't live with them. Can't kill them." - Tom Arnold, True Lies. You can "Ask Ashley" and get advice directly from a woman on how to deal with these creatures us men love, but can't figure out. Check back each week for a new article and feel free to email your questions directly to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it . Maybe she'll write on article based on your question.

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