It is a Friday night-

[altbier]

Kids are in bed fast asleep,
Wife is out drinking with her soccer team gals,
I just spent 30 minutes reorganizing my coolidor and humidors,
I am shocked at how many cigars I have collected in just the last three months
Found a few gems in the bottom of the coolidor
Just lit a Punch Rare Corojo
Just found a bottle of Weyerbachers Heresy Imperial Chocolate stout
tempted to crack it open or age until that first cold night in fall
hell, I opened it
corojo and stout = good
have you ever seen a spider the size of a baby's fist?
I just found one dead next to my bar
guess he didn't like my beer
i put him on a coaster and he now sits next to my keyboard
8 eyes looking up at me
this corojo is damn good, so is the beer
i think i have hit the end of the internet
nothing interests me today
i put a fan in the window to suck the smoke out
think my wife will notice?
what is so rare about a corojo?
today i completed my goal of watching star wars I, II, IV, V, and VI
not all in one day though, 1/2 a movie a day
no one wants to go see it with me in the theater
am I a geek?
I bought my son the BK happy meal so he could get the SW toy
I also paid more for my meal so I could get 2 toys
that is really sad
the toys suck by the way
except for one
the emperor is a squirt gun
my son squirted water all over the ceiling and across the bathroom with it
dont tell my wife
she gets pissed about such trivial things
i don't think mr spider likes my smoke
one of his legs is twitching
i guess he isnt really dead
clicky
this is what he looks like
google is an awesome thing
i didnt take that photo
it must be one of his sisters
i am assuming it is a he
why else would he want my beer?
i think it is a wolf spider
though he doesn't know how to howl
i like wolves
used to see them in wyoming
we dont see them in virginia
but we also used to see scorpians
i dont miss those
so is anyone still reading this at this point?
i feel sorry for you
go rent star wars
it is a good movie
I will probably get negative ring gauge for this
but thats ok
someone bumped me up to 89
that is too big of a cigar to smoke
i liked rg of around 50
at 89 I start to feel old
the best rg days have slipped by
soon gorillas will put me in a nursing home
if it is a rare corojo why was it for sale in a cigar store?
maybe punch should sell them in rare stores
damn, i just dropped my ash
missed the spider though
they never blink do they?
i lost my stare down contest with him
he could be dead too
i wonder if I could find 8 tiny coins to cover his eyes
maybe i could just use whiteout
this heresy is numbing my brain
i proceeded it with bourbon
i like bourbon
pappy van winkle aged 20 years
what business man sits on a product for 20 years?
now that it positive thinking
I have been in business for 10 years
and I still wonder if I will survive one more
sometimes day, sometimes month
being self employed can be brutal
so can marriage
so i am self employed and photograph weddings
is that irony?
glutant for punishment i think
had a client aka bitch get divorced before she designed her album
sued me to get a refund
is the c word too harsh?
she lost
not all judges are morons
i wonder if they smoke corojos?
the fan in the window reminds me of college days
how come dorms never had AC?
but in winter the heat was so hot you had to open the window
brilliant thinking by acadamia
i wonder if administrators would graduate classes on common sense
our dean of students looked like sally jessie raphael
she was a c word
but not all photo majors were brilliant either
you would think that if your dorm room
was right above her office
you wouldnt smoke pot in the afternoon
true story
my friend was almost expelled
she had a good nose
college was fun that way
i learned never to buy a coke at a vending machine
one guy was so drunk he pissed into the slot
not cool
he was expelled
they considered that worse than smoking pot
i agree
maybe the dean was a pot head
that didnt like golden showers
i didnt know what a golden shower was
until the internet came about
i had aol 1.0
it took 15 minutes to download a photo
my awakening was very slow
if you want to protect your kids from that stuff
move to wyoming
and dont get the internet
my mom was the public health nurse for the town
only now is she sharing the stories
when syphilis broke out amongst the cowboys
mom had to find the hooker and put her out of business
true story
rare corojos burn your fingers
time to find another cigar and another drink
have a good memorial day weekend
now where is my humidor?

[Lumpold]

best short story I've read in a while!

[jgrimball]

nice post!
Gave you some RG for Pure insanity!

[Jason Love III]

That was kinda Jack Kerouac-esque, only not....Nice!....enjoy your weekend with the stogies!!

[JCole311]

very nice

[refill]

I got a contact buzz from reading that.

[RPB67]

Very good post.

[Nely]

A classic example of a post made under the effects of nicotine and alcohol.
I fount out in google that those wolf spiders are exeptional hunters. They attack their unsuspecting preys by playing dead, then suddenly sinking their fangs into their victim, supplying a fatal dose of venom that shuts down the entire nervous system. Watch out Altbier!

[altbier]

Originally Posted by RPB67

Very good post.

Gee thanks, your grasp of the vernacular is quite impressive too.

Oh, and thanks for trying to give me negative ring gauge.

[altbier]

Originally Posted by Nely

A classic example of a post made under the effects of nicotine and alcohol.
I fount out in google that those wolf spiders are exeptional hunters. They attack their unsuspecting preys by playing dead, then suddenly sinking their fangs into their victim, supplying a fatal dose of venom that shuts down the entire nervous system. Watch out Altbier!

That is funny as hell! I am going to give you positive RG
but I am going to wait
I like the fact you are stuck at 69
what a great number

[Da Klugs]

Originally Posted by altbier

Gee thanks, your grasp of the vernacular is quite impressive too.

Oh, and thanks for trying to give me negative ring gauge.

Be nice.

[altbier]

but i was klugs, i really was
i mean
i deleted some 4 letter words
and then i deleted 150 words
and then it delted the whole thing
took a sip of bourbon
and started over
then i deleted more words
but i rarley get to use the word vernacular
so i left that one
how many times do you get to use the word vernacular in a lifetime?
unless you teach english
very rarely
did you know that 10 ice cubes
and enough bourbon to cover them
is a great drink?
match it with a psd4 and
wow
i think it wasted a good cigar
spider agrees
he likes eefs song though
his leg started twitching again
do spiders dance?
i need to name this one
wolfy seems appropriate
ever see amadeus?
mozarts wife was hot
she called him wolfy
i dont think spider can write music though
he would be really fast if he used all 8 legs though
maybe he could just dance across the music sheet
and add notes that way
he better write his requiem
i think he is almost dead
clicky
and victoria secret thought they had a good idea
with the push up bra!
some fashions should never have left us
sigh

[JCole311]

ever see amadeus?
mozarts wife was hot
she called him wolfy

great movie, yes she was, better than what my wife calls me, lol

[hungsolo]

Did you just get finished reading Ulysses or what?

That was sublime. When I could follow it, that is...

You slay me, Altbier.

I see why Ninja Vanish enjoys forum so much. He has same dry sense of humor as many here (wonder where he gets it from??!!) wish I had a hundred post so i could give ring gauge, think you might be in line for some down the road (or maybe at least a tony, or opie, or oscar, or one of those statue things).. I agree, incidentially with vernacular. Should have been left in, cause it does not get the recognition it deserves. Left in the closet to suffer in quite humiliation cause only english teachers are allowed to utter such lofty utterances. .....say, your not really an english teacher incognito are you? ....

Anyway, good story, say hi to the spider for me, but cap your alcohol before you put out the lights. Not only are wolf spiders sneaky about playing dead and attacking their victims, they are also notorious boozers, and will drink all you liquior when you are not looking, particularily when they have a good smoke to go with it!