I wanna drop some cigars on someone ((contest))

[Drazzil]

So, in that spirit of things. What was the most embarassing time you've had recently?

The funniest true story wins.

To kind of start things off, I'll go ahead and lay bare.

I like all you can eat buffets. Just recently I went to a "Korean Style" all you can eat buffet. Its nothing but a buffet of raw meat, in which you get to grill on a gas grill built right into the table.

Its my favorite place to eat, I like their really. REALLY spicy seafood. I often overeat at this place, its just that good.I usually go with a friend of mine on a weekday at least once a month. I really like this place.

One night, I had just finished a meal of spicy shrimp and I was on the way home when it hit me, the urgent need to use the rest room. As I was on the freeway I decided to wait to stop off at a local fast food place on the way home.

All the while, my stomach was churning and twisting like a mobile home in a tornado. Ignoring the increasingly urgent calls of my stomach to find a rest stop, I made it to the fast food place.

I got out of my car and made my way into the rest room...

I didn't quite make it. Half a cup of silty shit now resided in my underwear.

Cursing foully I upended a trash can in the rest room of the fast food place, bagged the now radioactive underwear in the liner and finished my business. Sound of a shot gun and shattering porcelin analogies at this point would not be unwarrented.

I feel bad for whoever had to clean that peticular bathroom that night.

My friend had a good laugh at my expense. So did I.

Now its up to you folks, whoever shall come up with the most embarassing true story will get a selection of fine cigars to be shipped just as soon as I find a suitable container.

[mike32312]

Here are two funny stories that happened awhile back.

http://www.clubstogie.com/vb/showthread.php?t=23637

http://www.clubstogie.com/vb/showthread.php?t=25998

[justinwb]

Not mine but goes along the lines of yours and is the funniest story I have read, maybe someone will get a laugh out of it:



The Ryan's Steakhouse Story

Now, I know that there is a lot of embellishment that occurs on this group and I am aware that a small number of things are perhaps sheer fabrication, but I have a story to tell that is the absolute truth.

Funniest damn thing that has ever happened to me. A couple of weeks ago we decided to cruise out to Ryan's Steakhouse for dinner. It was a Wednesday night which means that macaroni and beef was on the hot bar, indeed the only night of the week that it is served. Wednesday night is also kid's night at Ryan's, complete with Dizzy the Clown wandering from table to table entertaining the little bastards. It may seem that the events about to be told have little connection to those two circumstances, but all will be clear in a moment.

We went through the line and placed our orders for the all-you-can-eat hot bar then sat down as far away from the front of the restaurant as possible in order to keep the density of kids down a bit. Then I started my move to the hot bar. Plate after plate of macaroni and beef were consumed that evening, I tell you - in all, four heaping plates of the pseudo-Italian ambrosia were shoved into my belly. I was sated. Perhaps a bit too much, however.

I had not really been feeling well all day, what with a bit of gas and such. By the time I had eaten four overwhelmed plates of food, I was in real trouble. There was so much pressure on my diaphragm that I was having trouble breathing. At the same time, the downward pressure was building. At first I thought it was only gas, which could have been passed in batches right at the table without too much concern.

Unfortunately, that was not to be. After a minute or so it was clear that I was dealing with explosive diarrhea. It's amazing how grease can make its way through your intestines far faster than the food which spawned the grease to begin with, but I digress... I got up from the table and made my way to the bathroom. Upon entering, I saw two sinks immediately inside the door, two urinals just to the right of the sinks, and two toilet stalls against the back wall. One of them was a handicapped bathroom. Now, normally I would have gone to the handicapped stall since I like to stretch out a bit when I take a good shit. But in this case, the door lock was broken and the only thing I hate worse than my wife telling me to stop cutting my toenails with a pair of diagonal wire-cutters is having someone walk in on me while I am taking a shit.

I went to the normal stall. In retrospect, I probably should have gone to the large, handicapped stall even though the door would not lock because that bit of time lost in making the stall switch proved to be a bit too long under the circumstances. By the time I had walked into the regular stall, the pressure on my ass was reaching Biblical portions. I began "The Move."

For those women who may be reading this, let me take a moment to explain "The Move." Men know exactly what their bowels are up to at any given second. And when the time comes to empty the cache, a sequence of physiological events occur that can not be stopped under any circumstances. There is a move men make that involves simultaneously approaching the toilet, beginning the body turn to position ones ass toward said toilet, hooking ones fingers into ones waistline, and pulling down the pants while beginning the squat at the same time. It is a very fluid motion that, when performed properly, results in the flawless expulsion of shit at the exact same second that oneÕs ass is properly placed on the toilet seat. Done properly, it even assures that the choad is properly inserted into the front rim of the toilet in the event that the piss stream lets loose at the same time; it is truly a picture of coordination rivaling that of a skilled ballet dancer.

I was about halfway into "The Move" when I looked down at the floor and saw a pile of vomit that had been previously expelled by one of those little bastards attending kids night. It was mounded up in the corner so I did not notice it when I had first walked into the stall. Normally, I would not have been bothered by such a thing, but I had eaten so much and the pressure upward was so intense, that I hit a rarely experienced gag reflex. And once that reflex started, combined with the intense pressure upward caused by the bloated stomach, four plates of macaroni and beef started coming up for a rematch.

What happened next was so quick that the exact sequence of events is a bit fuzzy, but I will try to reconstruct them as best I can. In that moment of impending projectile vomiting, my attention was diverted from the goings-on at the other end. To put a freeze frame on the situation, I was half crouched down to the toilet, pants pulled down to my knees, with a load of vomit coming up my esophagus.

Now, most of you know that vomiting takes precedence over shit no matter what is about to come slamming out of your ass. It is apparently an evolutionary thing since shitting will not kill you, but vomiting takes a presence of mind to accomplish so that you do not aspirate any food into the bronchial tubes and perhaps choke to death. My attention was thus diverted. At that very split second, my ass exploded in what can only be described as a wake...you know, as in a newspaper headline along the lines of "30,000 Killed In Wake of Typhoon Fifi" or something similar. In what seemed to be most suitably measured in cubic feet, an enormous plug of shit the consistency of thick mud with #### pockets of greasy liquid came flying out of my ass.

But remember, I was only halfway down on the toilet at that moment. The shit wave was of such force, and of just such an angle in relation to the back curve of the toilet seat, that it ricocheted off the back of the seat and slammed into the wall - at an angle of incidence equal to the angle at which it initially hit the toilet seat. Then I sat down. Recall that when that event occurred, I was already halfway to sitting anyway and had actually reached the point of no return. I have always considered myself as relatively stable gravitationally, but when you get beyond a certain point, you're going down no matter how limber you may be. Needless to say, the shit wave, though of considerable force, was not so sufficient so as to completely glance off the toilet seat and deposit itself on the walls - unlike what you would see when hitting a puddle with a high-pressure water hose; even though you throw water at the puddle, the puddle gets moved and no water is left to re-form a puddle. There was a significant amount of shit remaining on about one-third of the seat rim which I had now just collapsed upon.

Now, back to the vomit...

While all the shitting was going on, the vomit was still on its way up. By the time I had actually collapsed on the toilet, my mouth had filled up with a goodly portion of the macaroni and beef I had just consumed. OK, so what does the human body instinctively do when vomiting? One bends over. So I bent over. I was still sitting on the toilet, though. Therefore, bending over resulted in me placing my head above my now slightly-opened legs, positioned in between my knees and waist. Also directly above my pants which were now pulled down to a point just midway between my knees and my ankles. Oh, did I mention that I was wearing not just pants, but sweatpants with elastic on the ankles. In one mighty push, some three pounds of macaroni and beef, two or three Cokes, and a couple of Big, Fat Yeast Rolls were deposited in my pants...on the inside...with no ready exit at the bottom down by my feet. In the next several seconds, there were a handful of farts, a couple of turds, and the event ended. Yet I was now sitting there with my pants full of vomit, my back covered in shit that had bounced off the toilet, spattered on three ceramic-tiled walls to a height of about five feet, and still had enough force to come back at me, covering the back of my shirt with droplets of liquid shit. All while thick shit was spread all over my ass in a ring curiously in the shape of a toilet seat.

And there was no ****ing toilet paper. What could I do but laugh. I must have sounded like a complete maniac to the guy who then wandered into the bathroom. He actually asked if I was OK since I was laughing so hard I must have sounded like I was crying hysterically. I calmed down just enough to ask him if he would get the manager. And told him to have the manager bring some toilet paper. When the manager walked in, he brought the toilet paper with him, but in no way was prepared for what happened next. I simply told him that there was no way I was going to explain what was happening in the stall, but that I needed several wet towels and I needed him to go ask my wife to come help me. I told him where we were sitting and he left. At that point, I think he was probably assuming that I had pissed just a bit in my pants or something similarly benign.

About two minutes later, my wife came into the bathroom not knowing what was wrong and with a certain amount of worry in her voice. I explained to her (still laughing and having trouble getting out words) that I had a slight accident and needed her help. Knowing that I had experienced some close calls in the past, she probably assumed that I had laid down a small turd or something and just needed to bring the car around so we could bolt immediately. Until I asked her, I'm sure she had no idea that she was about to go across the street and purchase me new underwear, new socks, new pants, a new shirt, and (by that time due to considerable leakage around the elastic ankles thingies) new sneakers.

And she then started to laugh herself since I was still laughing. She began to ask for an explanation as to what had happened when I promised her that I would tell her later, but that I just needed to handle damage control for the time being. She left.

The manager then came back in with a half-dozen wet towels and a few dry ones. I asked him to also bring a mop and bucket upon which he assured me that they would clean up anything that needed to be cleaned. Without giving him specific details, I explained that what was going on in that stall that night was far in excess of what I would expect anyone to deal with, what with most of the folks working at Ryan's making minimum wage of just slightly above. At that moment, I think it dawned on him exactly the gravity of the situation. Then that manager went so far above the call of duty that I will be eternally grateful for his actions. He hooked up a hose. Fortunately, commercial bathrooms are constructed with tile walls and tile floors and have a drain in the middle of the room in order to make clean up easy. Fortunately, I was in a commercial bathroom. He hooked up the hose to the spigot located under the sink as I began cleaning myself up with the wet towels.

Just as I was finishing, my wife got back with the new clothes and passed them into the stall, whereupon I stuffed the previously worn clothing into the plastic bag that came from the store, handing the bag to my wife. I finished cleaning myself off and carefully put on my new clothes, still stuck in the stall since I figured that it would be in bad taste to go out of the stall to get redressed, in the event I happened to be standing there naked and some little bastard kid walked in. At that point, I had only made a mess; I had not yet committed a felony and intended to keep it that way.

When I finished getting dressed, I picked up the hose and cleaned up the entire stall, washing down the remains toward the drain in the center of the room. I put down the hose and walked out of the bathroom. I had intended to go to the manager and thank him for all he had done, but when I walked out, three of the management staff were there to greet me with a standing ovation. I started laughing so hard that I thought I was going to throw up again, but managed to scurry out to the car where my wife was now waiting to pick me up by the front door.

The upshot of all this is that I strongly recommend eating dinner at Ryan's Steak House. They have, by far, the nicest management staff of any restaurant in which I have eaten.

[mspringfield]

Although this did not happen to me, it did happen to a friend of mine.

Several years ago a group was out drinking one night and eventually things came around to "flaming shots". It is probably good to note here that too much alcohol before "flaming shots" is not a good thing for a man with a full beard and mustache. Well about the time my friend downed the shot... he sneezed... and proceeded to shoot flames out of his nose, singing nose hair, mustache hair, and the beard hair on his chin. The bar was suddenly filled with the most gawdawful smell you have ever smelled. To make matters worse the bartender, who was at the opposite end of the bar when the "event" happened came running down to my friend and said. "That was the coolest thing I have ever seen! I will give you another one for free if you do it again." Everyone thought my friend was going to kill him. Years later we are all still laughing at that one.

[OaktownSGT]

I was 16 at the time hunting with my grandfather on our ranch out in california.

We had planned a morning drive to push deer through a canyon. I was told to sit on a deer stand on the other side of the canyon so I could scan and watch for moving game and the hunters pushing down the canyon.
Well about 45-50 mins in to the hunt I glassed and watched hunters move and game go running everywhere but I had to pee badly. I decided it would be best to leave my .308 at my stand and walk about 75m away from it to releave myself so game didnt get a smell of me and where I was sitting. I get about mid stream when behind me I hear rustling, I payed no attention to it thinking it was the hunters comming up and finishing the drive...... WRONG I turned around again and here now was about a 200lb hog starring right at me. The second we locked eyes it bolted right at me like I stole his lunch the day before. With no weapon I had no choice but to climb the tree I was urinating on. When I made it to the first safest limb to stand on, my pants and drawers were now around my ankles and all pride just swinging in the wind. So now I got a pissed off hog at the base of the tree that has no intention of leaving and pants and drawers around my ankles I look up and right across the canyon was my grandfather and 2 other hunters watching this and laughing thier happy drunk butts off. I yelled at them to shoot this crazy sow and they thought it would be more amuzing to call to the rest of the guys pushing down the hill to watch this. Finally after about 10 mins I realize my drawers are down and pull them up. The guys finished walking from across the canyon and shot the lunatic hog. To this day they still tell all the new hunters to our club this story, and ask if it was the cologne or the barry white music that attracted the wild pig. Almost 15 years of heckling and it still makes the camp laugh.

[UPHOTO]

Okay I am not proud of this moment at all......

I also don't suggest doing this to anybody.....

So about a month ago I decided I needed to go smoke a cigar and just get HAMMERED. I don't do it often.

So I decided to ride my BIKE, not a motorcylce but a bike to my favorite bar to have a smoke, play some pool and get my drink on.

Well after many hours of this I look at my watch and it is 2am. I figure that if I stick around I will probably end up passing out at the bar so I get the great idea to ride my bike home by myself.......

Yes very stupid thing to do. So on my ride home I'm just cruising and feeling good about myself and my chances of making it home okay. Just then a car pulls out from the curb and I t-bone the car! Because of my enebriated state I just go flopping around on the ground and bounce right back up!

I look at the damage......just some scraped up knuckes and knees. I look at the car and they just drive off!!!! I was lucky to be okay and with the shock and all I just walked my bike back home.

SO........that is what I remember happening. I tell the story to tons of people about me being hit by some jerk that just drove off.

Well about 2 weeks later while telling the story to a friend of mine she is just sitting there with a smile on her face the whole time. I finish the story and she say's......

"yeah I've heard some people talking about what happend and it's funny to hear it from you now BUT let me tell you what REALLY happened......"

She goes on to tell me that her and a friend followed me in a car to make sure I was okay. While following behind me they see me cruising down the street and then out of nowhere I slam right into the side of a PARKED CAR!!!!!!!!!!

Yep that's right........a parked car.

They see me slam to the ground but bounce right back up and then drive right by me and kept on going seeing that I was okay.

SO in my stupid state of mind I thought the car jumped out and hit ME!!! But instead I hit some poor guys parked car!

The car I saw drive off was my friends........

Yes I am not proud of this at all.......BUT I was able to just laugh it off and promise I would never do it again.

I asked my friends what the car looked like so that I could try and see if the car was ever around again at that spot so that I could talk to the guy and see what damage I did to his car. I haven't seen the car yet but I keep looking....



So to say I was embarrassed is an understatement.....I was telling everybody about this story while my friend was telling everybody what really happened!!! I felt like an idiot.

[Don Fernando]

I was living with (one of my ex) girlfriends, her brother and his girlfriend (let call her Diana for this story). One day Diana's brother (let's call him Erik), whom I met several times and was a nice guy, would come to dinner with his girlfriend.

Well, i'm upstairs with my girlfriend and the doorbell rang, I knew it was Erik and so I tried to be funny and yelled "don't open the door, this are jehova witnesses". My girlfriend looks at my with fire in her eyes and bites "shut your big mouth" to me, so I yell it again and then I ask "why should I keep my mouth shut?". My girlfriend replied "Erik's girlfriend is really a jehova witness!" OOOPS!!

It took my 20 minutes to find the courage to come downstairs and appologize, man, I felt so crap.

[monsoon]

Originally Posted by Drazzil

I upended a trash can in the rest room of the fast food place, bagged the now radioactive underwear in the liner and finished my business.
---------------------
Now its up to you folks, whoever shall come up with the most embarassing true story will get a selection of fine cigars to be shipped just as soon as I find a suitable container.

Not entering this contest without a container-disclaimer.

[Drazzil]

Originally Posted by monsoon

Not entering this contest without a container-disclaimer.

Oh goodness, not *THAT* container. Hah!

[SMcGregor]

From my Key West trip a few weeks ago!

Country come to town!!

OK -- here's the redneck story of the Keys....

Every night we fish from the dock off our backyard and we catch little pins or small snapper. Last night Davey caught a shark so he's been real excited about fishing from the dock tonight. Of course we are the only ones on the canal who do this and prolly look like complete dorks but we don't care.

So, tonight is no different.... Davey takes a pin and free lines it on one of our bigger rods. Being the rednecks we are, we pull up the patio furniture to the dock and use it to sit at while fishing so we are close to the water. There are no bites and it is getting darker. Davey takes his rod and places it inside the arm of the chair so it is propped up and can see if he gets a bite. We've all done this at the dock previous nights so we don't think anything of it. So Shawn goes inside to get something, I'm up at the patio searching on info on mutton snapper on the laptop... kids are running at back playing and all of the sudden I hear.... scrrappppppeeeee, SPLASH. Davey's yelling, "mommy mommy the chair is in the water!!" I am thinking huh, WTH?!?! and look and the chair is in the water, drifting away with the rod attached to it!!! A big ol fish had pulled it in!! Davey's standing there about to cry cuz he thinking he is in trouble and I yell "Get Daddy!!" We run inside yelling the chair is in the water.... Shawn's like, "well go get it"... and we're like "NO it's ATTACHED to your ROD and with a fish pulling it through the canal!" Shawn tears out of the house and we jump on the boat, untie it, kids up on the dock (Davey's almost in tears) and while we are frantically untying the knots of the rope from the dock we see this green chair being pulled down the canal with a rod attached to it. Shawn revs up the engine and we get up to the chair/rod and i'm trying to reach for it in the water while shawn drives. I am screaming at him to get closer as I am leaning over the boat and he's yelling at me that he can't get any closer so finally I grab the rod and chair and the fish is pulling so hard I can't get the rod out from the chair and shawn and I are fighting over trying to free the rod while the fish is pulling all of us down the canal, boat and all. Finally, shawn frees the rod and i am telling you that fish is pulling like the dickens--it's a big rod and it is bent over just pulling us around. Right as the chair and rod are loose, the fish ran around some pilings and busts the line. There we are on the boat with a lawn chair, a busted fishing line, upset child and no fish.

We bring the boat back to the dock and tie it up.... Davey is relieved we have the chair... we have the rod and everyone is safe. I can only imagine what the neighbors are thinking.....

Thanks for the contest!

Shawn

[leasingthisspace]

So here is a little background. It was MAR 03 my unit is driving into Iraq. So there is like a thousand trucks in a big line going down the road. It was like 3rd day in to this crazy route in the middle of nowhere. In a unit with no females. Up to that time whenever any of us had to go #2 you went in the ditch on the side of the road, don't forget lots of warnings of landmines so nobody goes far. This time we didn't have a road we were on some kind of trail and my guts started bubbling. I was praying that an order came down over the radio for us to stop.
Finally it did. As soon as I could get out of the truck I knew I was not going to make it far. I get around to the frontside of the truck and it is time so down with the pants. I noticed the bumper was right there so I had a seat and did the deed. It was so nice bum in the breeze you should try it.
In my truck the other guy thought it would be funny to take pics of me crapping. So I am sitting there still doing the deed and out he comes camera in hand. He got me there was nothing I could do about it.
Fast Forward, we are back in the states 12 months later. The unt was having a welcome back dinner the night before our leave started. There was like 200 people at this dinner. People from my unit, their parents, wifes, kids even.
With anything the Army does there will be a slideshow. Thats right out of a 10 minute overview there was like 20 shoots of my bum hanging over the bumper dropping a duece.

[Mystophales]

Well this happened when I was 22. I was living in Germany and had been out with some friends of mine going from club to club. We weren't hammered but we weren't all too sober either. The last placed closed and we had about 50 miles to get home and about 10 miles into the drive I had to really, REALLY take a leak. If you have ever driven on the autobahn you know that there really isn't anyplace to pull over and the rest stops are pretty far apart.

Thinking about this fact just made things a lot worse...my friends certainly didn't help telling me things not to think about like running water, rain, a cold lake and how much betterI would feel when I finally got to go. It was getting to the point where I figured it might turn into a two stepper (another two steps and you ain't gonna make it) so I said the hell with it and pulled over on the autobahn.

In my brilliance I figured I could hop out real quick use the headlights of the car so I could see what I was doing and be back in the car in just a couple of minutes. So I hop out of the car while doing the pee dance and start to relieve myself. I can tell you now that was the best piss I had ever had. It felt damn near as good as sex...up until the point where I got hit by my own car and I completely pissed all over myself while screaming like a little schoolgirl. In my haste I had failed to put the car in park. My friends of course thought this was absolutely hysterical and on any subsequent occasion of drinking and having to use the bathroom they would have to remind me of this story.

I guess I can see the humor in it now but it sure wasn't funny when I had 40 miles to drive soaked in piss....

[eriksson20]

Originally Posted by Drazzil

So, in that spirit of things. What was the most embarassing time you've had recently?

The funniest true story wins.

To kind of start things off, I'll go ahead and lay bare.

I like all you can eat buffets. Just recently I went to a "Korean Style" all you can eat buffet. Its nothing but a buffet of raw meat, in which you get to grill on a gas grill built right into the table.

Its my favorite place to eat, I like their really. REALLY spicy seafood. I often overeat at this place, its just that good.I usually go with a friend of mine on a weekday at least once a month. I really like this place.

One night, I had just finished a meal of spicy shrimp and I was on the way home when it hit me, the urgent need to use the rest room. As I was on the freeway I decided to wait to stop off at a local fast food place on the way home.

All the while, my stomach was churning and twisting like a mobile home in a tornado. Ignoring the increasingly urgent calls of my stomach to find a rest stop, I made it to the fast food place.

I got out of my car and made my way into the rest room...

I didn't quite make it. Half a cup of silty shit now resided in my underwear.

Cursing foully I upended a trash can in the rest room of the fast food place, bagged the now radioactive underwear in the liner and finished my business. Sound of a shot gun and shattering porcelin analogies at this point would not be unwarrented.

I feel bad for whoever had to clean that peticular bathroom that night.

My friend had a good laugh at my expense. So did I.

Now its up to you folks, whoever shall come up with the most embarassing true story will get a selection of fine cigars to be shipped just as soon as I find a suitable container.

here goes:

I have a similar experience,

but i had to jump into the woods to take a dump in the nature on my way to the airport.

SO, i did not make it to the toilet, i did my think squatting beside a tree and wiped my behind with my underwear.

Then, i continued to the airport, took the plane to London and went through the planned meetings for the whole day wearing no underwear, going commando...

When the day was full, i was more than happy to get to the hotel and take a long hot shower... and put on some clean underwear...

cheers,

Mikko

[NJ Stogie King]

My story goes like this:

You know that hot....hot....hot girl that every guy lusts after in college? She's the one that every guy wants and envies the guy that has her? Well I was the lucky guy who was able to score a date with this hot....hot.....hot girl!! All of my other guy friends at this point are so jealous and envious of me that they all want to be in my shoes for just this one night. Well the date night finally arrives after what felt like an eternity of waiting and I have my A game ready to go!! I am wearing the best clothes and cologne I can find, the best shoes....everything!! I pick her up at 5:00pm as planned and we head out for our date. Dinner, a movie, and then some drinks to make the night right! Dinner was great, the movie was so-so (can't quite remember it exactly and then drinks were great too! I am a lightweight drinker and for some stupid reason on this night (probably to impress the hot chick) I had probably 5 to many!! The TGIF's that we went to was in a local mall close to the college campus and so being a mall, there were stores there as well. It is at this point that the girl....I believe her name was Melissa....forgot that she had to purchase a gift for her brother's birthday that weekend. So she asks if I mind if the two of us head over to the Modell's so that she can buy him a hat or something. I agree and we go to Modell's. Inside I decide once again to be "cool" and start trying out the weight machines and exercise bikes. Melissa comes over to where I am being "cool" and she asks if I would follow her over to the men's shoes....which she takes a shortcut to get to over the treadmills. I walk past treadmill #1, then #2, and finally I step on #3. Well treadmill #3 was not locked and it sent me clear across the store on my back and I landed right on top of a punching bag! I hurt my leg, my ego and ultimately my chances with Melissa because that was the first and last date!!



Jonathan

[King1of3]

Just happened yesterday. I got a time to sleep in yesterday, but would my dog let me? NOOOOOO! He started barking uncontrolabley. Yes, he is like OCD when someone comes near the fence or sees an ant or something. Anyway, it is around 7 AM. Wanted to sleep longer, but I am sure by now he is getting the neighbors up. So I get up, using a few little words under my breath, and head for the sliding patio door. I throw it open and holler at him to shut up I had heard enough (like he understands a word I was saying). Although he knew I was angry. Next thing I hear is, "Meter reader. Sorry." I said, "Oh hi." I go back in and close the door. Story over. OH WAIT A MINUTE. Did I forget to tell you that I flew out to the patio in my torn to shreds, ugly, superman style, bedtime, underwear - blue in color. She saw me in all my angriness and my nearly naked shredded glory. I don't embarrass easily, so I think she was more embarrassed than I was. Maybe I'll ask her next time if she prefers boxers or briefs.