Cigar and Relationship Advice

[ActionAndy]

Originally Posted by WarMace

Call her up one day and very excitedly tell her about the $250 box of cigars you just got on Cbid for $180 then see what happens.

This is an excellent application of Woman Logic and something you could perhaps bond over (if this woman has a good sense of humor, but a woman with a sense of humor is about as common as being mauled at the zoo).

"These shoes were seventy five dollars, on sale from one hundred!"
"...S-"
"So we saved money!"

No, sweetheart, you still lost seventy five.

[leasingthisspace]

Maybe after dinner out one night you just toss it out there that you have a taste for a cigar. (You happen to have some in the car.) And from there feel it out. You don't want it to seem like a big deal or anything. That way you are opening up to the fact you smoke cigars but not having it seem like you are a chimmney. I think it would have come up like
You say "What kind of hobbies do you have?"
She says "I collect Barbies from the 50's."
You say "Thats neat. I collect cigars to smoke. So how many do you have?"
She says "I have 3000 in storage."
You say "So do I. Do you want some desert?"

See easy as pie.

[Wattsie]

When I met my wife in college, I was an avid Skoal fan. I'd range from a tin a week to a tin a day. She wasn't a fan at all, but she put up with it. She's fine with the cigars as well, just doesn't want the smell in the house. (Come winter in Maine she has another thing coming!).

As for the financial part of it. I have my cigars and computer hobbies, and she has her horseback riding and scrapbooking hobbies. We keep realistic limits on each of our spending and that keeps the peace.

While you don't have to kick her to the curb immediately, I guarantee you that you need to at least evaluate her level of tolerance/intolerance to the hobby before you make a call.

[lawdog_13]

I won my wife over by giving up cigarettes and dip everyday for the occassional cigar You have to learn to compromise. I would start by showing your girl your collection of cigars. Lay them out and tell her every thing you know and like about them. She will love to here you share your "hobby" with her. Then slowly work your way into smoking around her. Find a mild smoke you think she might enjoy and share it with her over a bottle of wine. Now you can be honest and if this doesn't win her over, move on. She might never want to smoke one again, but if she can't even deal with the fact that you enjoy cigars why add that stress to a relationship. Hope everything works out!

[Rolando]

I am going to go against the flow here. Relationships build over time. You always put your best foot forward in the beginning. You highlight your strong points while leaving your weaker points unadvertised. Has she made you a list of all of her flaws and bad habits? Of course not. The real truths come out in time and when the weaker points come to light hopefully your relationship will be strong enough to handle it. Unless she has specifically stated that she can never be in a relationship with a cigar smoker you are not obliged to reveal this information right away.

Don't lie but let the relationship take a natural course. So no cigar smoking and don't ask her to pull your finger.

The difference between revealing it now and revealing it later is that now it might be a deal breaker... later it might be one of those quirks she is willing to overlook. Also later you may be so invested in her you may be willing to give up cigars.

[clampdown]

[QUOTE=Rolando;1779850]Has she made you a list of all of her flaws and bad habits?[QUOTE]

WOAH WOAH WOAH, who said cigar smoking was a bad habit.

[[OT] Loki]

Originally Posted by Rolando

I am going to go against the flow here. Relationships build over time. You always put your best foot forward in the beginning. You highlight your strong points while leaving your weaker points unadvertised. Has she made you a list of all of her flaws and bad habits? Of course not. The real truths come out in time and when the weaker points come to light hopefully your relationship will be strong enough to handle it. Unless she has specifically stated that she can never be in a relationship with a cigar smoker you are not obliged to reveal this information right away.

Don't lie but let the relationship take a natural course. So no cigar smoking and don't ask her to pull your finger.

The difference between revealing it now and revealing it later is that now it might be a deal breaker... later it might be one of those quirks she is willing to overlook. Also later you may be so invested in her you may be willing to give up cigars.

WHAT!

[Kneo]

Your best bet is to tell her now. Remember the old saying "if you love something set it free, if it returns, it is yours to keep, if it doesn't it was never meant to be".

I think she will appericate it more if you tell her the truth now. If she does not like it then maybe she isn't the one for you.

[Rolando]

[quote=clampdown;1779860][quote=Rolando;1779850]Has she made you a list of all of her flaws and bad habits?

WOAH WOAH WOAH, who said cigar smoking was a bad habit.

Bad habits are a matter of perspective. The assumption is she will view it as a bad habit.



Sorry Loki love can do strange things to a man.

Your best bet is to tell her now. Remember the old saying "if you love something set it free, if it returns, it is yours to keep, if it doesn't it was never meant to be".

Love takes time to develop and grow a good root structure. Then when the cigar breath blows it might be able to stand firm.

[floydpink]

Grow a pair...

[clampdown]

Originally Posted by floydpink

Grow a pair...

Like this guy

[Major Captain Silly]

::Flame retardant suit on::

I've been smoking cigars for 18 years or more. My wife of 20 years is pretty anti-smoking but tolerates my cigar smoking. If it came to a point where she was completely against my smoking cigars, I'd quit in a hearbeat. I'd much rather have someone I love to grow old with than smoke a few cigars a week. Now, you're at the beginning of a relationship which is a little more tricky. If she can't handle the cigar smoking from the get go, then you may find that it's the compatability straw that breaks the camel's back.

MCS

[Rolando]

Originally Posted by Major Captain Silly

::Flame retardant suit on::

I've been smoking cigars for 18 years or more. My wife of 20 years is pretty anti-smoking but tolerates my cigar smoking. If it came to a point where she was completely against my smoking cigars, I'd quit in a hearbeat. I'd much rather have someone I love to grow old with than smoke a few cigars a week. Now, you're at the beginning of a relationship which is a little more tricky. If she can't handle the cigar smoking from the get go, then you may find that it's the compatability straw that breaks the camel's back.

MCS

Exactly. She likes your good characteristics more than she hates smoking.

This is why you don't ruin the honeymoon phase of the relationship with a list of every reason she should dump you. It is like showing up to the door with a dozen long stem roses and then ruin the moment by blowing a cloud of smoke in her face.

Look how hard pepe le pew had to work when the cat realized he was a skunk.

[Addiction]

You have a dozen answers, here is mine on top. If you don't plan to stop smoking and she doesn't plan to stop harping on it this won't work, not at all.

[Addiction]

Originally Posted by Rolando

I am going to go against the flow here. Relationships build over time. You always put your best foot forward in the beginning. You highlight your strong points while leaving your weaker points unadvertised. Has she made you a list of all of her flaws and bad habits? Of course not. The real truths come out in time and when the weaker points come to light hopefully your relationship will be strong enough to handle it. Unless she has specifically stated that she can never be in a relationship with a cigar smoker you are not obliged to reveal this information right away.

Don't lie but let the relationship take a natural course. So no cigar smoking and don't ask her to pull your finger.

The difference between revealing it now and revealing it later is that now it might be a deal breaker... later it might be one of those quirks she is willing to overlook. Also later you may be so invested in her you may be willing to give up cigars.

Relationships don't grow over time if they are built on lies; either actual lies or bits of omission. This is a bad bad bad bad idea.

If she is deadset against smoking she will not appreciate this little ommission one bit, especially if its because of something traumatic say her father died after 20 years of smoking or something like that.

Tell the truth and shame the devil.