Puff Cigar Discussion Forums

Freight Train · 07-21-2008, 01:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Darrell

If you cannot be yourself, then **** it. Move on.

Without the poor choice of language.

Rolando · 07-21-2008, 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Freight Train

Without the poor choice of language.

I don't get this logic either. So it is better to let the possible girl of your dreams slip through your fingers than, let's say, quit smoking cigars if the issue was a deal breaker?

Addiction · 07-21-2008, 02:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rolando

.......Addiction:

Is smoking a cigar really on the same level as having kids, really? You know what kind of woman you get if you bluntly announce all of your bad habits and shortcomings on date 1? No woman or possibly worse a mannish one. That is not romance. In his first post he says she seems to be anti-smoking. That might relate chiefly to cigarettes.

It is not as if she will never find out. That is inevitable should the relationship continue. But timing is everything. Let that relationship age a little before trying to smoke it.

I'm not a relationship expert but I can tell you that I stand by what I've said earlier. I never said to do that on date one but if you have a converstaion during a date about a topic and find that your date has a strong stance on that topic the best time to bring up your stance on on that topic was during that conversation.

YOu know what kind of woman you get if you "romance" her by convienently forgetting to tell the truth? THE WRONG ONE! If she is anit-smoking and anit all smoking what can he possibly gain by waiting on this subject? Something real does not grow from something false, and there is no way around this bro.

theycallmedan'lboone · 07-21-2008, 02:07 PM

It depends. Obviously she is important to you, as are cigars. If she gives you an ultimatum, she's probably not worth the time. However best way to go about IMHO, is next time you want to smoke, she's at your place you're just hanging out ask "do you mind if I have a cigar" if she loses her mind... well there ya go. If she just doesn't want it around her, IE in the house... I don't see a problem....

taltos · 07-21-2008, 02:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rolando

I don't get this logic either. So it is better to let the possible girl of your dreams slip through your fingers than, let's say, quit smoking cigars if the issue was a deal breaker?

I agree with this logic since she will try to change you after marriage, 28 years has shown me that this is true. If you start giving in on things important to you prior to marriage, wait until she gets you to give up hunting or fishing or any other activity important to you after marriage. My wife knew that I smoked from the start because that was part of who I am. It was up to her to accept my habits, both good and bad as it was up to me to accept her habits. I would let her know very early on.

mosesbotbol · 07-21-2008, 02:13 PM

Do not sugar coat the truth.

If she does not like it, then she can go find some "non-smoking" chap. Never go into a relationship on lies or walking on egg shells. She has to like you for who you are, not who you pretend or long to be...

Rolando · 07-21-2008, 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Addiction

I'm not a relationship expert but I can tell you that I stand by what I've said earlier. I never said to do that on date one but if you have a converstaion during a date about a topic and find that your date has a strong stance on that topic the best time to bring up your stance on on that topic was during that conversation.

YOu know what kind of woman you get if you "romance" her by convienently forgetting to tell the truth? THE WRONG ONE! If she is anit-smoking and anit all smoking what can he possibly gain by waiting on this subject? Something real does not grow from something false, and there is no way around this bro.

The problem with that is there is NO WAY to be completely forthcoming about every little thing. There are things you don't even realize you do that will bug the crap out of another person. Do subjects like politics and religion always come out right away? Is it a lie if you don't tell her how much you make and what your credit score is? Do you go into details about every relationship you have ever had? Maybe he should inform her about how many times a week he takes care of sex by himself while he is at it. Failure to report is a lie, right?

This relationship is brand new. She is still practically a stranger. It is actually none of her business how he spends his money and his personal time. There is no reason to treat this like it will turn into a marriage until it grows a little.

Addiction · 07-21-2008, 02:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rolando

I don't get this logic either. So it is better to let the possible girl of your dreams slip through your fingers than, let's say, quit smoking cigars if the issue was a deal breaker?

Dood do you know how many possible girls of my dreams slipped through my fingers? I can't even count that high.

If the girl of your dreams can't find a compromise to support you is she really the girl of your dreams? My wife is ALLERGIC to cigar smoke and has never asked me to quit and I started after we had been married 9 years! THAT is the kind of woman that is the girl of your dreams, not one you have to find the proper moment to mention your hobbies too.

mugen910 · 07-21-2008, 02:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mosesbotbol

Do not sugar coat the truth.

If she does not like it, then she can go find some "non-smoking" chap. Never go into a relationship on lies or walking on egg shells. She has to like you for who you are, not who you pretend or long to be...

Everyone has vices that they are (not) proud of. The thing about a true relationship is that you understand the other person's vice and either deal with it or leave it alone. If you give up something for her...eventually it will resurface when you want her to give up something for you. If she doesn't then the resentment will form and the relationship is diminish.

My woman understands that I enjoy stuff and she enjoys stuff...If we can enjoy it together then that is a plus and our relationship grows even more. If we cannot enjoy it together then it is OK since we are independent mature adults who understand a relationship can be a give/take at times.

Good luck..

Addiction · 07-21-2008, 02:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rolando

The problem with that is there is NO WAY to be completely forthcoming about every little thing. There are things you don't even realize you do that will bug the crap out of another person. Do subjects like politics and religion always come out right away? Is it a lie if you don't tell her how much you make and what your credit score is? Do you go into details about every relationship you have ever had? Maybe he should inform her about how many times a week he takes care of sex by himself while he is at it. Failure to report is a lie, right?

This relationship is brand new. She is still practically a stranger. It is actually none of her business how he spends his money and his personal time. There is no reason to treat this like it will turn into a marriage until it grows a little.

OK for the record I'm not advocating the bold statement totally. But if you know its a problem you need to own your part of it and confront it. He knows she doesn't like smoking, doing anything other than at least mentioning he smokes is dishonest. Is he going to pretend to have a different job if she doesn't like his profession? Is he goign to pretned to be rich if she says it was a drag dating a teacher because he was always broke.

There is a large difference between putting your best foot forward and taking a false step. A lie, either out right or via ommision is a false step.

Rolando · 07-21-2008, 02:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Addiction

Dood do you know how many possible girls of my dreams slipped through my fingers? I can't even count that high.

If the girl of your dreams can't find a compromise to support you is she really the girl of your dreams? My wife is ALLERGIC to cigar smoke and has never asked me to quit and I started after we had been married 9 years! THAT is the kind of woman that is the girl of your dreams, not one you have to find the proper moment to mention your hobbies too.

Ah but see you have made my point. Do you think she would have continued to see you after a few dates had you been a cigar smoker then and given her condition? No probably not. The reason it is not much of an issue now is she is willing to overlook it because she loves you for the many good things she discovered and the relationship can withstand a few possible negatives. You know, rose colored glasses and love being blind.

[OT] Loki · 07-21-2008, 02:38 PM

if my smoking a cigar or two a day is a deal breaker for a girl i'm with, she ain't the right one.

Rolondo, answer me this....what is the problem with saying 'i enjoy a cigar from time to time' if she doesn't like it now, she won't like it in 6 months, or a year, or 20.

Addiction · 07-21-2008, 02:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rolando

Ah but see you have made my point. Do you think she would have continued to see you after a few dates had you been a cigar smoker then and given her condition? No probably not. The reason it is not much of an issue now is she is willing to overlook it because she loves you for the many good things she discovered and the relationship can withstand a few possible negatives. You know, rose colored glasses and love being blind.

If your point is I should lie to the girl of my dreams to get her, your right its proven. So where does the line stop? Is it OK that I hide I'm a crack addict till she loves me? What about the fact I'm in the middle of a trial where I can get 8-12 inside, who knows I might win? or possibly the fact I'm bisexual and slept with her brother.

Isn't all of that just putting your best foot forward?

Dood there are no degrees to lies, a lie is a lie and they all end up being hurtful and breeding resentment.

Cigarin-Martin · 07-21-2008, 02:43 PM

Dont start a relationship hiding things, be honest with her, she may appreciate it more than you think. If you both get more involved with each other how hard is it going to be then to tell her the truth?How hurt would she be then?
Married for 18 years, 2 great kids, found out she was not paying bills and alot of debt i didnt know about!
We are now divorced! Just my

bro its your life.
Good luck, your the one whos gotta live by the decision no one else.