Colo. Lawmakers Pass Indoor Smoking Ban

[roscoe]

Colo. Lawmakers Pass Indoor Smoking Ban
NewsMax.com Wires
Saturday, March 18, 2006
DENVER -- The House gave final approval to a statewide smoking ban Friday and sent the bill to Gov. Bill Owens, who said he will sign it.

The measure would outlaw smoking in most public buildings except casinos, cigar bars and the smoking lounge at Denver International Airport.

The House approved the measure 38-24. The Senate approved it Thursday.

Owens said he still believes the decision should be left to cities and counties, but a statewide ban should eliminate the need for a ballot measure in November.

"Colorado is probably behind it. I think it's probably time to put this issue aside," he said.

Colorado would be the 13th state to enact such a ban. Utah Gov. Jon Huntsman signed that state's anti-smoking legislation Thursday.

[palm55]

When my wife and I go out to dinner, after our meal, I sometimes pull out a cigar, and place it in my mouth without lighting it. I find it quite amusing to see how annoyed some of the other diners become with my antics, and I suspect that soon enough, such behavior will carry an "indecent exposure" charge.

Ahh well... When that happens, guess I'll have to satisfy myself with farting loudly and proudly after my meal.

[roscoe]

It's called Third Hand Smoke Syndrome:

The Surgeon General’s office today released a controversial 1,346-page report outlining the dangers of third-hand smoke.
“We have decades of well-documented evidence on the dangers of smoking,” announced Health Department spokesman Moe Gadeeshu at a Washington press conference. “The costs in health care, missed work and shorter life spans is horrendously high. Just recently, we discovered the dangers of just being in the same room with a smoker and labeled that as second-hand smoke. Now, it is a historic day in American health care. We have pinpointed yet another smoke-related disease: THS.”
According to the World Health Organization, which co-authored the study, Third-Hand Smoke, or, THS, is a malady that strikes 99 out of 100 people daily.
“Due to several decades of political correctness and an egocentric sensitivity bordering on the pathological,” Gadeeshu noted, “just the very mentioning of cigarettes, smoke, smoking or people who smoke can cause increased risk of depression, anxiety, heart attack and sexual dysfunction.”
“I was having lunch at one of those outdoor restaurants in Santa Monica,” said Sarah Tonin, who was recently diagnosed with THSS (Third Hand Smoke Syndrome). “It was a beautiful day. The sky was blue. You could feel the good vibes from the ocean. Then some darn idiot from the next table over started talking about dating this girl who smoked. Pretty soon, the currents were blowing his conversation toward my ears and it was really upsetting. I mean, I’m sitting there eating and I can actually picture this woman there, in my mind, smoking. I undertipped and left in a huff.”
Tonin claimed the exposure to third-hand smoke upset her so she was unable to return to the San Fernando Valley chlorine factory where she worked. She is under doctor’s care and is currently suing a range of defendants.
“My client was leading a rich, fulfilling life prior to suffering the agony of hearing about somebody smoking,” said famed and rather shrill trial attorney, Holly Peño. “There is a giant octopus of a conspiracy eager to do harm here.”
Peño believes this conspiracy begins with the tobacco companies and trickles all the way down to the city of Santa Monica for granting a license to the restaurant where Tonin overheard the emotionally troubling conversation.
“Besides the obvious corporate and governmental villains here,” Peño said, “we’ll be also going after the guy sitting next to her talking about smoking down to the pediatrician who brought the insensitive lout into the world.”
Peño said she has served papers to over 1,100 institutions, companies and individuals for lawsuits totaling over $12 trillion.
“With my third of the settlement, I’m buying Arizona and kicking out the men,” grinned a happy Peño.
Tonin isn’t the only victim of THS.
In hospitals, psychiatric wards and clinics across America, more and more people exhibiting symptoms of this new disease are being admitted.
“Last weekend, my waiting room was filled with people from West Hollywood, all with the same, curious expression,” said Dr. Lou Goubrious, respiratory specialist. “They were all holding their breaths and looking as if they were imagining smelling something bad. Smoke, I’m guessing. Most were worried that they were just one generation away from contamination. I mean, if second-hand smoke kills, why not third-hand? We’ve had a lot of over-insured needlessly fragile people drop by.”
Third Hand Smoke has given rise to several interesting questions. Are we somehow manufacturing more diseases or just becoming more adept in our hypochondria? Has the movement to become more sensitive caused Americans to morph into the vanguard of a new species: homo sapien sissyius?
That very question was asked at a health symposium in Santa Barbara. Unfortunately, before there was an answer, a militant anti-Third-Hand Smoke group calling themselves the WCE (Words Cause Emphysema) drowned out any answer by angrily blowing whistles.
Perhaps the people who believe in the dangers of Third Hand Smoke have something.
Recently, in a small clinic in Florida, the United States suffered its first case of FHSS, or, Fourth-Hand Smoke Syndrome. Someone was sitting next to someone who was thinking about someone else smoking.

John Boston’s Mr. Santa Clarita Valley column appears Wednesday through Saturday. To reach Boston, dial 259-1234, ext. 242.

[palm55]

ROSCOE... Fantastic post!!!!

[Moglman]

AAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Another one bites the dust! #$(@)(*#)(*%^#@&@!

[woobie]

That is the funniest thing I've read in a long time

[Herf_Nerder]

Another state bites the dust...

[tazziedevil]

Hey, at least in COlorado you can still smoke in cigar bars or casinos! Here in Tasmania you can't smoke ANYWHERE indoors, Even at cigar bars!

[chabber]

Ontario, Canada is banning all indoor smoking. As of May 31st - no smoking indoors even at cigar shops and bars. Funny thing though....they are slowly decriminalizing pot. Figure that one out?

[palm55]

Originally Posted by chabber

Ontario, Canada is banning all indoor smoking. As of May 31st - no smoking indoors even at cigar shops and bars. Funny thing though....they are slowly decriminalizing pot. Figure that one out?

BUT... You won't be able to fire up a doobie at your local Pot Shop!!!

[Dogwatch Dale]

Once again I am embarrassed that my state has succumed to the politically correct left coasters who have taken over what was once a bastion of personal rights and property rights. At least the representative from my district voted against it! Gov. Owens usually gets things right, but this time he is way off. Real Coloradoans aren't behind this bill, just outnumbered by PC zealots.

[rjose]

If there is this much demand for smoke-free places why don't we see entrepreneurs opening up smoke-free establishments in cities that still allow smoking? Would that not be to their economic advantage? If everyone hates smoke and you have the only smoke-free bar in town wouldn’t it be packed every night of the week?

Until I see this happening I say "".

[The Dutch]

What cracks me up about this whole thing is the State's hypocrisy in regard to the cash cows that reside in Blackhawk & Central City. Second hand smoke kills everywhere but areas of high tax revenues - esp. casinos!

Two-faced Idiots!

[Dogwatch Dale]

That shows us how much these people really believe it's about health issues.