How do you explain your hobby to your wife?

[degarbie]

My girlfriend's not a cigar smoker herself, but she's pretty understanding about my hobby. I'm lucky, really - she's even planning to bring me smokes when she comes over to stay with us this Christmas to meet the parents!

[thegraduate-cl]

can't help you lo siento. now i must go be single and do what ever i want...when ever i want.

[discdog-cl]

Originally Posted by thegraduate

can't help you lo siento. now i must go be single and do what ever i want...when ever i want.

You don't have to be single to do that! Hell, I've been married 26 years and have always done what I wanted. I believe it's all in the training.lol

[patefengreen]

The secret to a good marriage is to be best friends with your spouse and there is always going to be some give and take involved. Yes the cancer and the lungs, etc... is a valid point, but if you're only smoking three cigars a week, it's no comparison to chain smoking and inhaling the smoke. So on that point, I would stress to her (calmly) that yes you do understand that smoke is bad (cause everything is bad for you) but it's something that you enjoy and you're not going overboard with it. You enjoy it in moderation and you're glad she is concerned for your well being (she is isn't she?).

On the spending part, you're both grown-ups and we all need a hobby to keep our sanity. The grown-up part: only you know how much is too much to be spending on cigars. I know it's very easy to be tempted and stretch the budget, but it's up to you to keep these things in check. If you can't pay the mortgage because you just stocked up on your favorite cigars (because they were on such a super sale) then that's a problem. And cigars have indeed become your crack addiction. You need to curb the spending sprees. But if you spend $100 on cigars/month and she spends $100 on clothes/month, (and this fits your household budget) you both are shopping for something that makes each of you happy and that's great.

As for the "keep it all hidden from her" approach, I'd steer clear of that. Eventually she will find out about the trouble you've gone to to sneak around behind her back. Trust me, wives always know what's going on. And when she finds out, she'll feel like you've been lying to her. I see some marriages like that where each spouse has their own bank account and each do their own separate thing, but then why did you get married in the first place? You're more roommates than best-friends. That just seems wierd to me.

Getting her to see things your way depends on your type of relationship. But this is where the being friends with your spouse comes into play. Get her involved in your hobby. Invite her to join you in smoking on the back porch at night after the kids are in bed. It can be relaxing for the both of you. If she doesn't like to smoke, she can still join you and the two of you can sit and talk without distractions. Or invite her to join you at a cigar bar. This way you can smoke your cigars and the two of you can simply enjoy each others company and socialize with friends. Bottom line is you need to get her involved. Teach her about the complexities and different types of cigars and the collecting aspect of the hobby. Get her excited about it. If you take the "it's a boys club" approach, you'll forever be banished on this subject. I know I got interested in cigars because my hubby was and we enjoy doing things together. Women love to shop, so why not shop for cigars together. I know I will pick up a few of Troy's favorite cigars (or what I think he would like) from time to time. And I love finding a great deal on the internet. Again, women love to shop, so why not channel that uber shopping knowledge into finding bargains on your favorite smokes? This way she's "super shopper" and you get your smokes. You just need to start thinking out of the box.

[zion698]

My wife has her concerns, but understands I have a right to do what makes me happy. Knowing how she feels I try to be low key with it. I smoke outdoors and usually she's in some other section of the house. She's the same way about me riding motorcycles. It's not about not allowing me to have fun ... she's just concerned about my well being. Which is understandable. I have explained cigars to her ... what goes into them, and what I like about them. Which is all I can do.

[terrasco-cl]

My wife never gripes about the amount of money I spend on cigars (though she really doesn't have a clue). She doesn't gripe about my spending because she doesn't want me to question her spending.

The biggest advantage that I have, is that smoking cigars caused me to pay more attention to my wife. I would go out on the porch to smoke a cigar and she would join me. She has my attention for as long as the cigar burns. It was the best thing that ever happened to our marriage. I am calm and content and more open to hearing her thoughts and issues. Before, I never sat long enough to pay attention to her unless it was on the computer or in front of the tv. When I watch tv or use the computer it is easy to ignore her. If I am sitting outside enjoying a cigar, she has much more of my attention. Even though she doesn't smoke cigars, she enjoys the time we spend while I smoke. We watch far less tv and have grown much closer. In some ways it has saved our marriage.

I would suggest trying to include your wife in your cigar habit.

[Lok17]

Can't help ya bud... in the summer my wife lights up with me... I get no flak, well cept for the amount of cigars that I have Just tell her it could be worse, she could be married to me. I smoke 7 to 10 sticks a week when the weather is decent

[Lok17]

Originally Posted by terrasco

My wife never gripes about the amount of money I spend on cigars (though she really doesn't have a clue). She doesn't gripe about my spending because she doesn't want me to question her spending.

The biggest advantage that I have, is that smoking cigars caused me to pay more attention to my wife. I would go out on the porch to smoke a cigar and she would join me. She has my attention for as long as the cigar burns. It was the best thing that ever happened to our marriage. I am calm and content and more open to hearing her thoughts and issues. Before, I never sat long enough to pay attention to her unless it was on the computer or in front of the tv. When I watch tv or use the computer it is easy to ignore her. If I am sitting outside enjoying a cigar, she has much more of my attention. Even though she doesn't smoke cigars, she enjoys the time we spend while I smoke. We watch far less tv and have grown much closer. In some ways it has saved our marriage.

I would suggest trying to include your wife in your cigar habit.

Wow, that is really cool bud. A lil touching actually...

[bobbyg29-cl]

Originally Posted by terrasco

My wife never gripes about the amount of money I spend on cigars (though she really doesn't have a clue). She doesn't gripe about my spending because she doesn't want me to question her spending.

The biggest advantage that I have, is that smoking cigars caused me to pay more attention to my wife. I would go out on the porch to smoke a cigar and she would join me. She has my attention for as long as the cigar burns. It was the best thing that ever happened to our marriage. I am calm and content and more open to hearing her thoughts and issues. Before, I never sat long enough to pay attention to her unless it was on the computer or in front of the tv. When I watch tv or use the computer it is easy to ignore her. If I am sitting outside enjoying a cigar, she has much more of my attention. Even though she doesn't smoke cigars, she enjoys the time we spend while I smoke. We watch far less tv and have grown much closer. In some ways it has saved our marriage.

I would suggest trying to include your wife in your cigar habit.

I have a similar experience. Normally (she is pregnant right now) my wife sits out on the patio with me and we play board games and trivia (which she loves) while I am smoking a cigar. If I didn't smoke cigars we would likely be staying indoors watching TV, so cigars also have a positive side effect for us.

[kass]

No problems from my girlfriend... but my mom doesn't shut up about it. "Your gonna get cancer, its not healthy, only old men smoke cigars, they stink, your wasting your money, the next package that comes I'm going to throw away." She also just recently found my cooler, until then she only knew I had a little 20 ct humi, don't know how she didn't realize that all the cigars I was buying wouldn't be able to fit in it. hahah...Man, living at home sucks...

[bobaganoosh]

Do what I do... I play the same games on her, as she does me... It seems everytime I go in her closet, there are 2-3 new boxes of shoes or tons of clothes with tags on them. So I calmly bring it up during on of our conversations..."honey, I don't remember any of those shoes, or blouses, or jackets, or etc." And then she goes on a long rant of how she has "had that stuff forever", and I don't pay attention to her... blah, blah, blah. (I really don't know what she says at the end of those talks... I'm generally thinking if I should be going with the new "sasquatch" driver or if 21 year scotch is really any better than the 18 year) But anyway...
So when she questions me about a new humi or a bunch of new cigars...

I say, "those old things??? oh, I've had those forever!"

[Jonjonmacky]

how long have you been married ?

[ER Doc]

Travis,

I get the exact same questions from my wife. It's got to be a Topeka thing. She's never understood that an expensive box is not to be smoked just to be smoked.

I've almost convinced her it's like collecting and aging wine. That seems to make the most sense.

Anyways, I don't think I'll ever hear the end of it from her. It's usually comments about mouth and throat cancer that start to get on my nerves. Even as a doctor, I can't convince her that there is no good scientific evidence pointing to that. She just thinks I'm trying to spin the statistics - she's a bright one, she is!!!

[CHRIS7891011]

Originally Posted by kass

No problems from my girlfriend... but my mom doesn't shut up about it. "Your gonna get cancer, its not healthy, only old men smoke cigars, they stink, your wasting your money, the next package that comes I'm going to throw away." She also just recently found my cooler, until then she only knew I had a little 20 ct humi, don't know how she didn't realize that all the cigars I was buying wouldn't be able to fit in it. hahah...Man, living at home sucks...

haha dude I'm in the EXACT same boat as you. My mom hates it and I still live at home during the summer.

My girlfriend loves it and will smoke with my normally.

Follow some of the suggestions people here have given. There's some good advice here!

[CigarRob]

Say it with me...

Cigar Mistress.