Puff Cigar Discussion Forums

sublime99212 · 04-26-2007, 02:08 AM

I found this, don't know of it's a repost but i find it funny, and maybe helpful.

Marital Bliss Calculator
Marital Bliss Calculator
By: Steve Saka

SECRET FORMULA for MARITAL BLISS
================================

Let me explain how this works...

((ACP + SCP/4)/YM) + 15% = GFW

Above is the SECRET formula for keeping your wife sated regarding your
cigar purchases. Here are the details:

ACP = accountable cigar purchases - these are the purchases that your wife
knows about in full such as purchases you made in her presence, ones with
a credit card trail, etc.

SCP = secret cigar purchases - these are the purchases that you manage to
sneak in under her dollar sensing radar. Cash only, no bags, she never
sees them enter the domicile - you know the drill.

YM = years married

GFW = Gifts for Wife

First step is to total the value of the ACP with a 1/4th of the SCP. Why
even claim a fourth of the SCP? For two reasons, one your wife is no
idiot, and she knows damn well that you are buying cigars behind her back
so it is best to admit to a 1/4 of the real number outright as a sign of
good faith. Also it is an excellent decoy to prevent her from
investigating deeper - trust me on this you don't want her to pull out CA
and start totaling the retail value of your collection from the dollar
marks listed in the rating section!

Now take that number and divided it by the years married, as a newlywed
she is getting a hell of a return, but it will diminish quickly over the
years. Ask her about this concept, I am pretty sure she will agree.
Finally add 15% to the total. Why? Cause you are really a good guy, and
you want to be fair. :>

So lets see this in action for a 3K a year cigar habit after 3 years of
marriage:

$1,800.00 ACP $1,200.00 SCP / 4 ========= $2,100.00 / 3 ========= $ 700.00
+ 15% = $805.00 GFW

Basically to keep your lovely wife at bay you must buy her $805.00 worth
of extra non-holiday no-strings attached gifts during the course of the
year. This will keep her from ripping your head off regarding your cigar
purchases. Now I know this seems pretty steep, but keep in mind once you
are married twelve years the number drops to a measly $201.25. Trust me my
friend this will be the best money ever spent - the formula WORKS!

Steve Saka
http://www.cigarnexus.com

Marital Bliss Calculator

Enter Accountable Cigar Purchases (ACP):

Enter Stealth Cigar Purchases (SCP):
Enter Years Married (YM):

Press the button when you're ready to see your required gifts for your wife (GFW):

Gifts for Wife (GFW):

Airborne RU · 04-26-2007, 02:16 AM

Nice!

I think I will use this formula.

However one question. Do gifts purchased before cigar hobby count? Or is it only while hobby is in full force?

BTW I miss your website (it being updated at least).

sublime99212 · 04-26-2007, 02:18 AM

i would say if in maybe a few months before the habit hit full force, may very based on how much she hates it though.

Fistville · 04-26-2007, 02:50 AM

That's pretty funny.

ScottishSmoker · 04-26-2007, 04:02 PM

I knew marriage had to have some kind of hitch attached...thankfully I am single and really don't have to worry to much about it...the last girl I dated had a real thing for Chanel handbags...and I am going to see her again real shortly here...damn, there goes my fun money...

doctorcue · 04-26-2007, 06:41 PM

Hah, this is hilarious! Yet, it can TOTALLY work.

I'm going to do the math for April. Hopefully I can prevent any more purchases until the 1st!

smokin5 · 04-27-2007, 12:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Airborne RU

Nice!

I think I will use this formula.

However one question. Do gifts purchased before cigar hobby count? Or is it only while hobby is in full force?

BTW I miss your website (it being updated at least).

I'm sorry, HOW LONG have you been married?
Surely you should know by now that "advance points" = 0
If it's not for direct retribution of your immediate past sin,
it just doesn't count. Ask any woman, she'll explain it to you.