Fellow IT Guys... Enjoy!

[Infin1ty]

Found this, and though all my fellow IT guys would love it.

[SIZE=2]There are some people who, for whatever reason, just cannot grasp the concept that mass-produced OEM PCs do not come with Microsoft Word, nor have they for several years. Even confronted with overwhealming evidence, still they will insist that they KNOW Word is free with every computer, and I must be crazy for telling them otherwise.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]
"So, what kind of software does this computer come with?"[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]
"You'll get a standard installation of Windows, along with a full version of Microsoft Works. Everything else is either a trial or a demo."[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]
"... And Word."[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]
"No. Word is included with the Office suite, and that is not included with the computer."[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]
"I'm pretty sure it is."[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]
"No, Office is not included. No Excel, no Powerpoint, no Access..."[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]
"I don't need all that stuff, as long as I have Word."[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]
"Word is also not included."[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]
"I thought it would be."[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]
"It is not. You will get the WORKS Suite, which does a lot of the same things, but it is NOT the same software."[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]
"Works Suite?"[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]
"Yes. Works is kind of like 'Office Light'. It does have a spreadsheet program and a word processor, but it is not Excel or Word."[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]
"But it WILL have Word, right?"[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]
What the **** did I just say? Am I speaking in Swahili without realizing it? "No. You will not get word. In order to get Word, you need to buy it seperately. To get you started, they give you Works." They're all dead, Dave. Everybody's dead, Dave. Everybody is dead, Dave.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]
"I bought a computer ten years ago, and it came with Word."[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]
Dave's not here, man! "Yes, well, that changed quite a while ago. Now, with any computer that is not built-to-order, you will need to purchase Word seperately."[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]
"What's this thing here... 'Works Word Processor'?"[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]
"Ah, yes. That's what I was telling you about before. It's a program like Word that does many of the same things."[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]
"So it DOES have Word!"[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]
You know, if I were trying half as hard to avoid telling the truth as the customer is trying to avoid hearing it, I'd be a real scuzzbag. "No. That is a different program. It is not Word. A 'Word Processor' is basically any program that can be used to compose documents." I am almost scared to try and explain the concept of a "Trail Version" of Word, which is in fact included if the customer knows where to look. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]
"Okay, well, "[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]
"Well, I'll have to keep looking around. I want something that includes Word."[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]
"It's going to be the same no matter where you look. It's not just us, that's the industry standard. It's not like you can't use Word on the computer, you just have to buy it seperately." [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]
"Yeah, but I really, really need Word."[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]
"You can use Word on ANY computer we sell. Just because it's not included doesn't mean it won't work. " (That's a customer misconception in and of itself) [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]
"I need something with Word included. Are you SURE it doesn't have it?"[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]
"Yes, I'm sure. But all you have to do is get Word, put the disc in and... ah, nevermind. Have a nice day."[/SIZE]

[str8edg]

I almost choked...

I know it well, I worked tech support for Comcast for a few years. Not to thread jack but my one of my favorites is...

1 "what do now?"

2 "what does it say on your screen?"

3 "click OK to continue... what do I do?"

4 "would you like to continue?"

5 "yes"

6 "do you see a button that says OK?"

7 "yes... what do I do"

8 "what does it say on your screen?"

9 GOTO 3

I used to put the phone on mute and scream under my breath... "Just click the fuc&^%$ button" It became the mantra of the overnight crew!!

PEBKAC, brother PEBKAC

[smokinpoke]

Originally Posted by Infin1ty

Found this, and though all my fellow IT guys would love it.

I thought that was funny. I am by no means an IT guy but I get the same at my work. Hotels. Someone (guest) always knows my job better than I do.

[havana_lover]

level 1 support, thank god Im done with that.. too funny though

[Infin1ty]

I had a lady yesterday that was having trouble faxing to our tax number, so I was trying to explain to her how to take the fax out of memory mode. Well after about an hour (this is a 2 minutes process, at the most.) I finally tell her to just turn the damn fax off, and gave her my fax number and had her fax it to me, and I faxed it out for her.

[str8edg]

Ohh the stories... I worked tier 2 support so I got great ones, and overnight to boot. Lets just say I had many "my pings are too high" and Everquest issues... now don't get me wrong I am a gamer, but if a server goes to crap in the middle of the night and my speed goes to crap with it.. I chalk it up to maintenance or exploding microsoft servers and go to bed, I don't call, wait for an hour just to tell someone that I have slow speeds.... sorry if I am talking to anyone here directly, but some people take their games to seriously IMHO!

[Infin1ty]

Got another one for ya..

[SIZE=2] Usually, before you manage to obtain their account information, you can already peg them: the Supervisor Stalkers. These are people who frequent support lines like a normal person might frequent a club or bar. They love it. They live for it. They’re continually looking to “score” a match with your supervisor, and consider a conversation with you to be a mere formality. They’ve almost made a game out of manipulating the conversation to make you tell them something they don’t want to hear, which for them is pay dirt. They’re thrilled-- as soon as you turn them down, they get their reward. They proudly proclaim their request for a supervisor, a dollar, and a taco. One can almost picture them holding the phone up high, voice booming “By the power of Grayskull-- I WANT YOUR SUPERVISOOOOOOOOORRRRRR!!!!!”


Don’t worry, though. There is a proven process for dealing with these clowns:


Step 1: Ignore

“Yes, sir, I can help you with that. The most common source of a 691 Error is a password mismatch. Let’s check your settings…”


“I don’t accept that answer. I want to talk to your supervisor.”

“Go ahead and click the connection icon. Sir, what version of Windows is this?”


“Windows 98.… hey, wait a minute!”


Step 2: Misdirect and feign ignorance

“Allright, what username do you have listed?”


“I need to talk to your supervisor.”


*blink* “Regarding what, sir?”


“I don’t need to tell you that! ”


*BFEG* “Actually, sir, yes you do. I cannot page a supervisor without giving them the reason for the call.”


“Well, I wanna talk to them about THIS PROBLEM!”

“Ah, I see. As I said, an error 691 is most often a password misconfiguration. What username do you have listed?”


“BigWang67.”

“I see. And what are you currently using for a password?”


Step 3: Rationalize (the less rational your fish is, the funnier this step will be)


“It doesn’t matter!”

“As I had previously stated, the most common cause of a 691 error is a password/username mismatch. As there is no way to know beforehand which of these two items is in error, we must verify both.”


“You put me on with your supervisor NOOWWWWWW!!!!”


“Sir, I am confused. I thought you were calling because you were unable to connect due to a 691 error. Was that correct?”


“YES!”

“Ah. Then there is no point in transferring you to a supervisor. A supervisor does not actually troubleshoot problems.”


“Hey, look- do you, or do you not, have a supervisor I can talk to?”

“Indeed I do.”


“Then let me talk to them!”


“As I said, sir, a supervisor will be unable to provide you with further assistance with your problem.”


“I DON’T CARE.”


Step 4: Make the customer state explicitly that they don’t actually want to be helped.

“To make sure I understand you, sir: You are telling me that, despite having called the correct department, you would prefer to be transferred to someone who will be unable to help you.


“YES!”

“One moment please.”


Step 5: Conference in the Supervisor and watch the show:


“This is Reginald, I’m a supervisor here, how can I help you?”


“I can’t get online!”


“And why is that, sir?”


“I dunno, you’re tech support, you tell me!”


“Sir, I am a floor supervisor, not a technician.”


“What, so you’re telling me YOU’RE the supervisor, and you can’t help me?”


“No, sir. The technician you spoke to was the one who should have been helping you. He’s much better at that than I am.”


*click*


And that, folks, is the customer service merry-go-round that results when call centers consider a supervisor escalation to be a personal (and punishable) mark against the CSR.

[/SIZE]

[smokinpoke]

I love it. I get this all the time. I always here people say to my team. Can I speak with your manager?

[str8edg]

It's funny though when I have to call a call center (and I mean HAVE to) sometimes I know that a sup is the only way to get around a situation... so I always explain to the person on the phone that this is nothing to do with you, this has to do with the companies policies so get me you sup... then after thay put me on hold I picture somewhere in the world there is some kid, now standing in a sea of cubicles with his/her hand up... man I hated that job... I love to help but doing it over the phone if like smashing your head on a wall sometimes.

[Poriggity]

Those are outstanding.. as an up and coming IT guy, this cracks me up
Scott

[JCK]

oh the nightmares, memories, and laughs... sometimes internal helpdesks were worse than the customers.

[bonggoy]

Sound more like a PC vendor to customer conversation to me.

[mosesbotbol]

Yes, Word is included.... Wordpad.exe... Just missing the "pad" part, lol...

[Infin1ty]

Originally Posted by khubli

oh the nightmares, memories, and laughs... sometimes internal helpdesks were worse than the customers.

Man I know, I'm on the internal HelpDesk for Advance America, and I get some stupid ass people sometimes.

[bonggoy]

Originally Posted by Infin1ty

Man I know, I'm on the internal HelpDesk for Advance America, and I get some stupid ass people sometimes.

Or maybe they just not to familiar with computers, hence the need for a helpdesk.