Need Relationship Advice

[Theophilus]

Here's some advice that I heard recently. You say that you love her, that's good. Love wants what's best for the other person even if it means sacrifice. That's the difference between love and lust. Love gives. Lust takes. Lust is selfish. Love is selfless.

[TEAK]

A very wise seasoned friend of mine gave me some excellent advice a few months ago when I had a rather nasty break up. As we were sitting on his back deck enjoying congiac and some smokes he told me, in a way that only he can:"There comes a point in your life my friend that you will see a beautiful woman and you will say to you self man that right there is nice!Then you'll kick your feet up and go back to your bourbon and cigar." It didn't take right then but it hit me like a freight train a few weeks later, truer words have never been spoken.

[Infin1ty]

I really think the quote that is keeping me going through all of this is the classic one "If you love something let it go, if it comes back it's yours forever"

[cmk325i]

been there done that listen to the advice above ... shake her hand and walk away ..... say nothing else just walk away .... all the things that u are going threw i have been threw , i was with a girl for four years and same type of piss happened ... keep ur head up and walk away . its the best thing for u

[macster]

There's not much I can add to the superb advice already provided. I would have to agree you are much better off, as difficult as it may be, and running in the opposite direction as fast as you can and not looking back.

I married a women who I was sure I loved after 5 years of somewhat of a "rocky" dating stretch. We were on and off again quite a bit during that time.

Now 16 years of marriage and 3 children later we're in the midst of a VERY NASTY divorce. Believe me, it is NO FUN!! Especially for the poor kids (15, 13 and 7 years old). I was single with a great, active life until I was 39 and then married. I certainly reget it today. I love my kids dearly and would do all I can for them, but marrying their mother was a huge mistke on my part.

All I can tell you if the Red Flags are being raised now it WILL NOT get any better, it WILL get worse for you. The odds are hugely stacked against you making this a success.

Get out now and enjoy your solitude and independence. You WILL NOT regret it, believe me. I wish I had listened to my gut, friends and family 16 years ago.

[leasingthisspace]

I am sure nothing you have read so far has been what you wanted to hear/read. I know it is hard to see what is going on from the outside because you are in the middle of it. It is a hard thing to swallow, thinking it is done. You maybe thinking screw this advice. "I love her and I can make it work." It isn't a place that anyone likes to be in. I am not going to say do this or do that because I know when I went through it I was not trying hear people tell me either. The only advice I have it be true to yourself and your feelings. Women come and go, and some come more then others, but you have to live with yourself.

I feel for you I know it sucks. Listen to your gut, it won't steer wrong.

[lenguamor]

Originally Posted by Blueface

People should be as free as birds.
If she wishes to fly away, not much you can or should do.
If it is meant to be that the two of you are to get together again, it will happen.
I would simply express to her your feelings about her.
If she still feels the same that she has lost whatever it was that held her with you, not much you can do other than to let her spread her wings.
Relationships are made up of two people wanting to be with each other.
Something got lost along the way for you in those two years and you did not see it.
At minimum, after you share how you still feel about her, see if she can share what it is that caused her to lose the spark.
Good luck.

Listen to him...he is wise.

Women are different than us. When a woman finally does leave, in her mind she has already left many times before. In her heart, she already wasn't there long before she thought to go.

For some reason, we rarely see it coming.

Do everything that you can to keep yourself occupied; in the culture that Carlos and I share, there is an old saying: one nail drives out another. It is vulgar, but no less true for being so.

Do it, or find yourself a year from now - yearning, alone, lost, wondering where a year of your life went - while at the same time feeling as though ten have passed.

[billhud]

Originally Posted by Infin1ty

I love this girl with everything I have, .........
....... She really is my everything.......

If that's truly the case, you should have asked her to marry you. Tell her that. If that's not the case, let her move on and you need to move on too. If that is the case, and she declines, you'll know it's a one-way street.

[freakygar]

Is her mom hot?


What? Come on, the guy needs a smile!

Really, a ton of great advice here (excluding mine). Time to take care of yorself.

[bilkay]

Just let her go.

"Time heals all wounds."

[roarknumber1]

Originally Posted by bilkay

Just let her go.

"Time heals all wounds."

Find something to distract you. I know it seems as if your whole world got ripped out from under you, but after some time, (6-12 mo.) your perspective will change.

[oldforge]

Originally Posted by billhud

If that's truly the case, you should have asked her to marry you. Tell her that. If that's not the case, let her move on and you need to move on too. If that is the case, and she declines, you'll know it's a one-way street.

I guess we were all guilty of not taking Infinity's words seriously. If he really wants to marry her your advice is correct. I asked three women to marry me in my life. One said yes--not bad odds.

:-)

[billhud]

Originally Posted by oldforge

I guess we were all guilty of not taking Infinity's words seriously. If he really wants to marry her your advice is correct. I asked three women to marry me in my life. One said yes--not bad odds.

:-)

Well, I'm now not so sure. He's also only 19 years old. I wrongly assumed he was older and that they were living together as a couple the last two years.

[Infin1ty]

Originally Posted by billhud

Well, I'm now not so sure. He's also only 19 years old. I wrongly assumed he was older and that they were living together as a couple the last two years.

Actually we have been living together as a couple the last years. Thats why I've been saying that a lot of people don't understand the extent of our relationship.

[billhud]

May I ask how old she is?