Need Relationship Advice

[andrewk]

Ok heres the deal:

I am 19. Ive been dating this girl for 2.5 years. I am in the opposite situation from you.

After getting this girl through some tough times in her life, I discovered that I no longer felt the same way about her. The relationship was an obligation: all the fun/care was gone for me. There are many reasons it might have gotten like this, but one of them is that I feel smothered- she relies on me for everything, I rely on her for nothing etc.

About 1 month ago I broke it off with her. It was the hardest thing I've ever done and she was a complete mess. A few days later, she came over to talk about why it ended and get some closure. She begged for me to take her back, and I was weak and said yes - on a strict set of conditions. We talked about everything that would need to change for it to work out and came to agreements.

Things have been OK since, but, its hard to explain, but once "that" feeling is gone, its not coming back. You might get back together, you might straighten out your relationship problems, but theres little chance that it will go back to the way it was. She will still be dissatisfied and you will be upset because you are doing everything right and its still not good enough.

It sucks. Also, you are lucky you are 19. Like a few people have said before, its good to go out and date other people and get some experience. You might find that perfect person that blows your ex out of the water. I am now of the opinion that dating at our age is just practice. The chances of you meeting the perfect person is ~0 because you need to date a bit before you learn enough about yourself to know what YOU need in a girl.

Take this relationship and the dissapointment of it ending as the learning experience it is and move on.

Had an experience like yours, many, many moons ago. Start of last year in college, been dating this beauty (half Cherokee - her mom was full blooded) for 2 1/2 years. Smart girl, really got along well, strong relationship, NO sex (her choice, not mine- she was highly religious), so relationship wasn't built on sex. I was ready to marry her, she had career dreams; told me "no" to taking relationship to a more permanent level, it was not in her plans for the foreseeable future. No crying, no anger, no name calling or any of that, I just wasn't in her future plans.

Really tough to get over, but we parted as friends, and kept in touch up to the point that she married and went to Africa for a life as a missionary. Still there as far as I know. I look back on that relationship when I listen to the Little Texas song: What might have been.

And then I think about what "might not have been": A 27 year marriage (this fall), two wonderful children that I would die for, a loving wife that fully supports me in my desires (including cigar smoking - yes, I can smoke in the house, but chose not to because it bothers her); a relationship where I can talk to her, and she to me; 27+ years of life experiences with a woman who DID see me in her future life.

I had many heartaches after my breakup with LB, but it did not take too long before I had no regrets.

Get back out there and start dating. You ARE young and you WILL find the right woman. And when you do, BOTH of you will know it is right for the long haul.

[andrewk]

Originally Posted by SvilleKid

Get back out there and start dating. You ARE young and you WILL find the right woman. And when you do, BOTH of you will know it is right for the long haul.

Or, maybe if we are smart we WONT find the right women and will learn to be happy alone

(I've been told I have an antisocial streak...)