How Canada stole the American Dream

[ResIpsa]

Originally Posted by K Baz

With all the Canada Bashing I will detail the 15 reasons that Canada is better then your country.

Canada became a country in 1867 when we filled in the proper forms with the British government.

Our national animal is the beaver. It was chosen as a symbol of our country’s glory for its ability to soar majestically over the landscape on its wide tail.

The Royal Canadian Mounted Police is Canada’s national police force, which along with providing basic local law enforcement duties, also fulfills similar roles to all those American agencies with the letters, like the FBI, DEA and TGI Friday’s.

Due to the tilt of the Earth’s axis, and our northern latitude, during the winter months Canada actually travels backwards in time several days.

The Canadian accent is actually much milder than most Americans imagine, and many Canadians live and work amongst Americans undetected, constantly gathering hair samples.

Yes, hockey is still quite a big deal up here. You should really give it a chance sometime. It’s fast paced and hard-hitting and oh **** it… I can’t do it any more. Hockey sucks. We admit it.

You can not catch HIV from sitting on a Canadian.

Re: hockey. I’m not kidding. This past season I watched almost no hockey, and it was great. You know what’s better than watching hockey for three hours? ****ing anything.

Canada is a constitutional monarchy, which technically means we have to obey the Queen if she orders us to do something. It’s mainly a symbolic thing however, as she rarely exercises the privilege - the last time being in 1978 when she ordered us to execute Gordon Lightfoot.

Measured by landmass, Canada is the second most obese country in the world, after Russia.

The name Canada is derived from the native word ‘Kanata,’ meaning ‘village.’ This name was chosen over the protests of early explorer John Shortcock, who wanting to name it after his wife, lobbied strongly for the name “Mrs. Shortcockland.”

The thing is we’re just no good at sports that involve balls. Football, baseball, soccer, golf, you name it, we suck at it. Anything involving something vaguely spherical in fact. Hot Air Ballooning? Don’t even ****ing talk to me about Hot Air Ballooning.

Canada is the home of many great inventions, like the electric light bulb, the television, the telephone, and intellectual property theft.

Canada has the world’s largest coastline.

Canada has the world’s highest percentage of schoolchildren who know which country has the world’s largest coastline.

Taken without permission from cracked.com

PS Wolverine is Canadian too

Being close to the border I've spent quite a bit of time up north. After reading the whole "traveling backwards" thing, everything makes sense to me now

Just kidding. I love Montreal I really do enjoy the time I spend there.

[K Baz]

Originally Posted by ResIpsa

Being close to the border I've spent quite a bit of time up north. After reading the whole "traveling backwards" thing, everything makes sense to me now

Just kidding. I love Montreal I really do enjoy the time I spend there.

No worries just trying to lighten the mood.


You should come to Saskatchewan then we have travelled back more then a couple of days. The only good thing is being this far back in time I can buy Cuban Davidoffs at my local B&M.

[icehog3]

Originally Posted by K Baz

With all the Canada Bashing I will detail the 15 reasons that Canada is better then your country.

Canada became a country in 1867 when we filled in the proper forms with the British government.

Our national animal is the beaver. It was chosen as a symbol of our country’s glory for its ability to soar majestically over the landscape on its wide tail.

The Royal Canadian Mounted Police is Canada’s national police force, which along with providing basic local law enforcement duties, also fulfills similar roles to all those American agencies with the letters, like the FBI, DEA and TGI Friday’s.

Due to the tilt of the Earth’s axis, and our northern latitude, during the winter months Canada actually travels backwards in time several days.

The Canadian accent is actually much milder than most Americans imagine, and many Canadians live and work amongst Americans undetected, constantly gathering hair samples.

Yes, hockey is still quite a big deal up here. You should really give it a chance sometime. It’s fast paced and hard-hitting and oh **** it… I can’t do it any more. Hockey sucks. We admit it.

Ya had me, and then ya lost me.

[K Baz]

Originally Posted by icehog3

Ya had me, and then ya lost me.

When I posted this I expected to get some hog back lash.

Don't worry its all a lie every Canadian has a killer slapshot (even the goalies) - it actually part of our home land defence every man, woman and child get a stick and 30 pucks to defend themselves.

99 % love hockey so much we don't call them our balls we call them our pucks.

A good portion of us have "peter puck" tattoos.

[WyoBob]

Originally Posted by K Baz

With all the Canada Bashing I will detail the 15 reasons that Canada is better then your country <rest of funny stuff snipped.

Dang funny. Thanks for posting.

A couple of things I really appreciate that comes from Canada: "The Red Green Show" and "How It's Made". There's a lot of other good TV that comes from our friends to the north. Sure beats the "Britney Spears, all the time network" and the Barrack Obama love fest going on 24 hours a day on our three networks.

WyoBob

[BigVito]

Originally Posted by DonnieW

I'll concede - on the internation scene, you have bigger dicks than us. But the survey says we have more sex with our smaller dinks

I must be Canadian

[Mad Hatter]

Originally Posted by WyoBob

Dang funny. Thanks for posting.

A couple of things I really appreciate that comes from Canada: "The Red Green Show" and "How It's Made". There's a lot of other good TV that comes from our friends to the north. Sure beats the "Britney Spears, all the time network" and the Barrack Obama love fest going on 24 hours a day on our three networks.

WyoBob

I used to watch Trailer Park Boys and also NewsWorldInternational. I also like some of Farley Mowat's books (when he's not too full of shit) and some music by Gordon Lightfoot. And when my brother and I get really bored at work we make fun aboot the way you talk up there.

[icehog3]

Originally Posted by K Baz

When I posted this I expected to get some hog back lash.

Don't worry its all a lie every Canadian has a killer slapshot (even the goalies) - it actually part of our home land defence every man, woman and child get a stick and 30 pucks to defend themselves.

99 % love hockey so much we don't call them our balls we call them our pucks.

A good portion of us have "peter puck" tattoos.

The women put their's in Regina?

[(909)]

Great post KBaz! You've got a great sense of humor.

But you'd have to, living in Regina!

[K Baz]

Originally Posted by (909)

Great post KBaz! You've got a great sense of humor.

But you'd have to, living in Regina!

Thanks glad you appreciated it.

Originally Posted by icehog3

The women put their's in Regina?

Don't know if I can touch this one with out getting a "warning" but

Now back to your regularly scheduled bashing.