Should illuminatus's User Title be changed to "Afraid Of A Girl"?

Originally Posted by illuminatus

She's online... but I'm not IMing her tonight.. so guys...

Probably for the best. The things you want to to say should be said face to face. It is a lost art, that is getting deeper lost due to IMing, text messeging, ect. All you really want to do is to be yourself. No use putting up falsehoods in behavior, cause that will bite you later. You need to walk up to her one day, or sit down beside her, and just start a normal conversation. Don't try to be brilliant or dazzling, just be natural. Based on your ability to communicate on the forum, and the humor you exihibit, you should be able to keep her attention by starting with small talk.

You have an advantage that the guys out of school and in the bars do not have. You have school in common, and you will not be in an enviroment where the girl is wary that everyone talking to her is trying to hit on her. And you won't be trying to hit on her, you will just be having a conversation. Just gain that opening trust, and be honest about what you talk about. You don't have to spring any big news on her, let it happen in the time it finds. You have to be communicating with her to be in a position to advance the relationship in the future.

Don't let her good looks scare you. My wise old dad told me many moons ago that beautiful women are the easiest to talk to. They are so used to being hit on, and having to fend off retards with one thing on their minds, that they are more open to honest conversation. Just get her talking, and pay attention to what she says, so you can ask the right questions to keep her talking about the things that interest her. You will find that it is much easier to have her talk and tell you about herself. But you must be sincere in your listening, and pay atttention to what she says. Afterwards, she will remember how much she enjoyed talking to you. This is also a good way to keep your foot out of your mouth, and to hide your anxieties, since she will be the one doing much of the talking.

I'm not saying to rub her ego, cause she will see right through that. I'm saying to get her talking by asking questions that require answers other than yes or no. Like, instead of asking her if she likes her car (or other items), ask her what she it is about the item that she likes. Ask her questions like what does she like to do on beautiful days like today (or on crappy days like this, if it is bad). Follow up on what she says by asking why, or more indepth questions that might suggest themselves.

Everyone likes to talk about theirselves and the things they like, especially when talking to someone that truely shows an interest in what they are saying. And the plus side is, if you are really paying attention, you will pick up all sorts of good tidbits about her that can be used to start the next conversation. Also a good way to discover little (or big) items that you may have in common.

I get the impression that this is someone that you already know, and talk to from time to time. If so, starting conversations should be that much easier. If you have never discussed the way you feel about her, don't dive into that until you have had a chance to go on an outing or two. Your goal in the listening stage is to pick out ideas of places or activities that the two of you have in common so you have clues as to what to invite her to do that you will have a better chance of getting a yes answer on.

Oh, and don't, under any circumstance make these attempts when you have been over-consuming alcohol. You want to be in full control of your mouth so you will be less likely to put a foot in it. Also keeps her from smelling something on your breathe that she might not be pleased with. One of the reasons in my college days I tried to drink water, or very week drinks when at college parties. It was a lot easier to keep the girls attentions when you are making more sense than 90% of the guys, cause they are all drunk on their asses.

Ok, Dr. Cliff has rambled enough here.

[Warhorse545]

SvilleKid if we could still change name under handle I would dube ya Cupid


Stacey

Nick.

I don't see this as much that you are afraid of talking to her, but that maybe you just are not sure how to talk to her. We know from your postings that you do not shy away form conversations. It is easier for you here, cause you have common bonds with many of us. The basis behind my first post is to find those same common links with her. In the process, you put yourself in a much better position to be able to express your feelings for her. Just keep in mind that you are not trying to be her friend, you are trying to kindle a greater interest by helping her find more things she has in common with you. Remember the six degrees of separation. You will be surprised at the number of common things you can find.

Good luck, and good hunting (so to speak).

[illuminatus]

Well Cliff, thanks for the advice. I agree with it. For the record, this girl has been one of my close friends almost since I met her, 5 years ago. We've been on 3 week long mission trips to Jamaica, and the first one of those was where I realized I really liked her a lot. We talk once or twice a week, sometimes more, never for very long, because she's busy as all hell, and I hate the phone, so most of our conversations are through AIM. You're right, face to face is not a common thing anymore. I sent IMs to guys down the hall from me, because it's easier.. I'm a lasty bastage, what can I say?

She goes to school in Gainesville, which makes face to face communication a little difficult. My plan is to go to Naples over spring break, and steal my Dad's car to drive back up to g-ville and visit various friends there, including her. It'll be tough because they have classes that week, but we'll find time.

Also, no matter how often I joke about it, I'm not dumb enough to call her drunk. She's not a big proponent of drinking, and while the drinks would give me the pair I need to finally tell her, it probably wouldn't work as well as I'd want.

As for being brilliant and dazzling.. well, I don't try.. it just comes naturally!

I'm goin to bed pretty quick here.. but thanks... If/when it happens, I'll let you guys know.. I want to see the kind of bomb that levels a city block (on a cigar related note, I had my first boli PC tonight and was GREATLY disappointed... look for a review tomorrow, when I'm coherent)

[Puffy69]

Dude, Im not gonna tell you what to do or tell you to grow a pair BUT.Its best you did. Im gonna tell you of my experience. I met my Wife and she was way out of my League and still is but she didnt know it because I acted as if I didnt really care if I hooked up with her even though everytime she was remotely near me, I was shaken in my boots.
When the time was right, I told her to meet me at the Club and got her ass Drizzzzunk..Ya gotta do it..To break the ice and make it confortable..We were Dancing and Drinking and Drinking and Dancing..She had so much fun. Then towards the end of the night we were all sweaty from dancing, I made my move. Not telling her I like her or Ive been plotting to find a way to tell her (even though I was) but to just simply work my game and lean in for a Kiss. If she kisses you then your in like flinn but if she freaks out then you can blame it on your drunkiness and still be friends. If she likes you too and you dont know it, you will after that. Thats what I did and Im married to a Beautiful Woman of 10 years now that loves me more everyday.

[illuminatus]

I took her to prom both years (I'll dig up the pics, you guys gotta see her! )

She KNOWS I can't dance.. and she doesn't drink (nor do I, often)...

Doesn't change the fact that you're right and I need to do SOMETHING to let her know how I feel.. I'm workin on it... Even if it's just so I can finally get the "no, we're just friends" out of the way, and I can move on and try to find someone who even remotely compares to her (HAH, not at THIS freakin Sausage Fest they call a school! )

[illuminatus]

Well, the only prom pictures I have are real pictures.. and pictures of a picture don't turn out so well. So here's 2 from our last mission trip to Jamaica, summer of '04, right after my graduation (as evidenced by the new eyebrow piercing )

[Puffy69]

She's Cute..You better get Her before someone new does...You look just like a good friend of mine. Jesse Chong..Big time local Musician here. You Korean?

[Warhorse545]

Better to know then always wonder.


Stacey

[illuminatus]

Originally Posted by Rock Star

She's Cute.. understatement of the year You better get Her before someone new does...You look just like a good friend of mine. Jesse Chong..Big time local Musician here. You Korean?

Sorry, couldn't resist, had to throw my personal opinion in there.

Secondly, yes, I'm actually 50/50 Korean and Irish.. go figure, eh? Dad's full blooded Irish, Mom's full blooded Korean... the Irish barely shows.. but when I grow facial hair, it's blonde and red.. my hair also has red accents.. it's weird

[carbonbased_al]

Originally Posted by illuminatus

Well, the only prom pictures I have are real pictures.. and pictures of a picture don't turn out so well. So here's 2 from our last mission trip to Jamaica, summer of '04, right after my graduation (as evidenced by the new eyebrow piercing )

She's cute. I can relate to your situation. it's a toughie nick, been there done that before.

I'd suggest you hit up your nearest GNC and buy a boatload of testosterone

[LasciviousXXX]

Always better to try and see what could happen than regret that someone else beat you to the punch

XXX

[backwoods]

Originally Posted by LasciviousXXX

Always better to try and see what could happen than regret that someone else beat you to the punch

XXX

Judging from that picture....when the girl is that good looking, and you guys look that happy together, there is nothing to lose

[RcktS4]

Just a quick thought here: Testosterone is not what you need. Any idiot can tell from those pictures that what you are, and who she is comfortable with is NOT a guy with "A giant pair". You need to be yourself. It is the only thing that works in the long run - if you act any differently, you'll be living a lie from the door.

Have you considered complete, candid honesty?
"Listen, I just need to say something to you and it's absolutely terrified me to do this for a long time - I have really strong feelings for you, and if I don't let you know about it I think I but if I don't I will regret it forever. So forgive me for blurting this out without a lot of class or romance, but the truth is that it's taking everything I have to be brave enough to justt say this to you. If there's romancing to be done, that can happen tomorrow. Today I just needed you to know."

If she already knows who you are, my feeling is that this kind of real baring of your soul is the best approach. You'll know you had integrity, you'll know you weren't manipulating or trying to con the girl you care so much about, and no matter what happens you'll know you used your fear to overcome your fear. That is being a man. While I absolutely understand what everyone who's said it means, I would like to submit that in my opinion and experience "Growing a pair" is less about being a man, and more about being a frightened boy who wants to act like a man.

Be honest, and let yourself get hurt.

... just don't let any real men see you do it.

Originally Posted by Jack Handey

it takes a real man to be open about his feelings, and cry in front of others...

but it takes an even bigger man to laugh at the first man.

[illuminatus]

Well dammit Raney.. I go and give ya RG for the word "man-spelunking", and then you go and make a serious post like this, and I can't bump ya again!

I want to type a reply to your post. But I'm too tired now, it wouldn't be coherent. So sometime tonight, when I wake up, I will.. For now, thanks is all I can really say...