A completely ugly situation

[forgop-cl]

As if my brother and I haven't gone through a hell of a mess with my dad and grandma on my moms' side passing away in the past 2 months, it's even uglier now and it's because of money issues. Let me give you a little background...

Both sets of grandparents have relatively small farms. My gpa on my dad's side passed in 1986 and gma was left with 285 acres. In 1994, my uncle(my dad's only other sibling)started acting like a horse's rear and demanded his share of the farm because he had done all the work in the fields for "free" and my dad practically disowned him at that point. Upset as she was, my gma gave him 80 acres of land that he had a house built on, in addition to $80k for a pole barn and all of the farm equipment. That was supposed to be all he got and the rest of the 205 acres and her other possessions would go to my dad when she died.

Unfortunately, my uncle passed away awaiting for a heart transplant a little over 4 years ago and my dad passed away 2 months ago from cancer. That left my brother and I the next of kin. My aunt(uncle's widow)is still in the picture as her power of attorney and has been a big help to her. My brother and I caught wind that my gma had changed the will to leave everything else to my aunt now that she's been such a "help" to her, which obviously has my brother and I very upset. I would have to guess that she would have assets in the bank worth at least $500k, not to mention some collectible items I'd like to have to keep in the family. There have been a few other shady things going on that I won't even get into.

My brother and I visited gma in the assisted living place yesterday to have this conversation about what the truth is. She made a statement that our aunt can only get what is left in the house, as though she's going to allow my brother and I to have what we want in advance. She said she didn't have a problem at all letting the attorney disclose what was in the will. Sure enough, the attorney asks for her consent to disclose the info to my brother this morning and she said no way.

I'm now madder than hell. If all my gma had left was 3 nickels, I don't have a problem splitting the 3 nickels between my aunt, brother, and myself. It's just the principle behind what the agreement was better than 10 years ago has been completely changed because my dad didn't live long enough to get his inheritance. My gma argues that our aunt should be entitled to something because she's been such a great help, but doesn't seem to take the stuff she got better than 10 years ago in the equation.

My gma has always told my brother and I that she doesn't want us to ever sell it. My dad's will stated that he didn't want my brother and I to sell it until we were at least 50 years old. I'm at the point right now that I don't feel like the whole spirit of the agreement made years ago is being honored, so why should I keep it at this point? Granted, I cannot sell it as long as my gma is around because she has a living estate on the farm, but once she's gone, it's sold to the highest bidder as far as I'm concerned. I look at it as though I can make more interest in a year off of that money than I take home and it'll mean I can retire at least 10 years earlier than I could without selling the farm. My brother is ready to stop all ties with her as I'm to that point as well and will let her know that if this is how she wants to be, we will sell it once she's gone.

What would you do?

[DOZER]

My mother in law went through a very similar situation with her sister when their father died. This type of situation rarely ends well. best of luck to you.

[Itsme-Speedy-G]

once gma is gone, you can hire a probate layer but the layer usally gets the lion's share

[forgop-cl]

Originally Posted by Itsme-Speedy-G

once gma is gone, you can hire a probate layer but the layer usally gets the lion's share

I have a good buddy that is an attorney that will work with me I'm sure.

That said, the 2 things I want to tell her are that I'm going to contest everything in the will and possibly tie up her assets in court and that I'll sell the farm. There are enough people that are aware of how this played out 14 years ago that there shouldn't be too much confusion on their end. Even my gpa on my mom's side knows what the plan was when I talked to him Sunday morning. The family attorney in all this said we don't have much of a leg to stand on because she wouldn't be considered "crazy" or anything(although some would argue otherwise over certain issues).

It's just a suck ass situation to be in because I think it was completely wrong of my uncle to do what he did. The fact is that I've never asked her for money, nor is this really about the money itself. I feel like anything that alters the original intent is a slap in the face to my dad in his grave. My aunt has made out like a bandit being a widow than an ex-wife when my uncle was cheating on her when this whole ordeal went down.

My gma commented yesterday she wouldn't sell the family pictures with my dad and her great grandchildren for a million dollars. At this rate, that's all she's going to see of them from now on the way I see it.

[Darren's Godiva]

When it comes to money everything can go sour. Though your grandmother has pissed you off, she is "still" your grandmother. You will do what you have to do after she passes, but while she is still here -- be with her. You don't ever want to live in regrets. Your grandmother is probably lonely and if she is seeing your Aunt all the time, then she probably thinks that this is a genuine friendship. Visit her more often...maybe that will soften her up. Right now the only side/story she is really hearing is your Aunts.

This is such a horrible situation and I pray that the best will come out of this for all of you.

[stlcards]

I don't think I understand the whole thing. Your gma was left with everything and now she has a living will that will leave it all to this other lady upon her death? If so, I hate to say it bro, but you might be screwed. You don't need a lawyer, you need Johnny Cochran.

[Itsme-Speedy-G]

that is a crappy situation. sadly your birth right, the family farm, will fall in the lap of your aunt.

spend time with your grandmother. that is the good stuff.

best of luck

speedy

[forgop-cl]

Originally Posted by stlcards

I don't think I understand the whole thing. Your gma was left with everything and now she has a living will that will leave it all to this other lady upon her death? If so, I hate to say it bro, but you might be screwed. You don't need a lawyer, you need Johnny Cochran.

No, the farm was split and deeded to my dad and uncle in '94 I believe. My uncle got full ownership rights and earned income while he farmed it himself and when it has been cash rented. My dad's was deeded to him, but with life estate to my gma, meaning he technically "owned" it, but never earned a penny off of it because my gma is still around at 82 years old. She could probably last another 10+ years.

It is now in the process of being deeded to my brother and I, so that much is safe. What is not safe are the contents of the house, money in the bank, and investments(which my brother and I were previously listed as a secondary beneficiary, but I doubt it now). If she has $500k in cash assets(which is very possible), we stand a big chance of not seeing a penny of it with all of that going to my aunt.

[forgop-cl]

Originally Posted by Itsme-Speedy-G

that is a crappy situation. sadly your birth right, the family farm, will fall in the lap of your aunt.

spend time with your grandmother. that is the good stuff.

best of luck

speedy

No, see below. The only guarantee we have is on the farm itself-nothing else.

In terms of what I like, she has a big collection of Greentown glass that is quite rare and probably worth $50k+. I don't care what it's worth-I'd like to have some in my display cabinets and pass them on to my kids because it's one of the things I remember looking at the most when I'd always go over there.

There's way more to it than this, but just the principle behind it all.

[mhlatke]

This sort of thing is never easy - it's when you see people's true colors. I wish you luck.

[forgop-cl]

Originally Posted by mhlatke

This sort of thing is never easy - it's when you see people's true colors. I wish you luck.

Unfortunately, you are correct. The house my gma lived in(before going into the nursing home/assisted living for the past 3 years)is part of the farm that my brother and I own with her having life estate.

The locks were changed to the house by my aunt so we can't even get into it. Not that I've even been in the house since she went into the nursing home and have an immediate need to get in it for any reason, but just imagine what kind of message that sends. Nevermind the fact that there's a few things in the house that belonged to my dad I want to get out.

[Lighthouse]

It is also possible that you could claim your aunt coerced her into changing her will. If you can establish there is undue influence on the part of your aunt, the will could be contested. But you need to work now to establish that being the case. Additionally, your GMA's power of attorney can be suspended at any time she wishes, without notification to your aunt. Perhaps you can convince her that you or your brother are the better choice as POA since you are the only remaining blood relatives that would work to maintain her best interests and wishes, and you two are the appropriate heirs to the family's assets. I would also discuss it with an attorney well versed in estate law that could provide some guidance. It's a tough road but worth pursuing. I wish you well as this type of stuff is hard on everyone invloved. Good Luck!!

[tx_tuff]

Sorry but if its not my family I don't get involved in family matters. No offense to you Duane but this is also a one sided story, most likely 100% true but still just one side.

Good luck in whatever happens and remember you only have one family.

[jitzy]

Oh my God that is a rough one buddy money makes some people forget you even exist it just ain't right good luck with everything

[forgop-cl]

Originally Posted by Lighthouse

It is also possible that you could claim your aunt coerced her into changing her will. If you can establish there is undue influence on the part of your aunt, the will could be contested. But you need to work now to establish that being the case. Additionally, your GMA's power of attorney can be suspended at any time she wishes, without notification to your aunt. Perhaps you can convince her that you or your brother are the better choice as POA since you are the only remaining blood relatives that would work to maintain her best interests and wishes, and you two are the appropriate heirs to the family's assets. I would also discuss it with an attorney well versed in estate law that could provide some guidance. It's a tough road but worth pursuing. I wish you well as this type of stuff is hard on everyone invloved. Good Luck!!

In a perfect world, you are certainly correct. My gma seems to think that my aunt wouldn't have a need for "everything" as though my aunt would give my brother and I a share of it. I know better than that.

The big hangup for her is that my aunt has been very helpful to her and available(never mind that my aunt is retired while my brother lives 30 miles from her and that I'm 75 miles from her, we both work full time, and have duties at home that prevent us from making weekly visits. Gma thinks my aunt's "attention" (although I think it's more of her ulterior motives than anything) is worth something. As I said, I don't think I'm being out of line, but giving the rest to her is ridiculous if you ask me. It's as though she's taken what my aunt has had the past 14 years out of the equation while my dad never saw a dime.

When we visited with her yesterday, she said all the things my brother and I wanted to hear and my brother specifically asked if she's authorize the attorney to discuss the will and she said yes multiple times. My brother called the attorney, he called my gma, and she said hell no. I went in with the intention that if she was going to be confrontational at all, that I'd play the "trump cards" that I would contest everything in the will to tie up her assests in probate and cost my aunt as much of her share as possible and that I would sell my half of the farm.

I talked to my brother a while ago and he said he's ready to just tell her to go ahead and take his name off everything and he'll move on like she's not around anymore. He said if he got a check for a birthday he'd send it back. I told my wife a little while ago that with my birthday a couple months away, I should send my birthday money to my aunt telling her that she needs it more than I do.

I should quit talking about it...it keeps pissing me off more and more.