Crappy Bad Sad News!!

[dcsmoke]

I'll chime in here on the side of "she needs to lighten up a bit". My girlfriend (who lived with me up until I came to NC to go back to school) absolutely hates smoke. She won't kiss me after a cigar. She won't get too close to me on the couch either! But, she knows how much I enjoy my cigars. One of her girlfriends asked her once why she didn't just "put her foot down" and "make me quit" and her answer was "Because its something he enjoys doing and I don't have the right to ask him to quit. Besides, he's respectful about it."

You're absolutely right, you shouldn't have to choose. She shouldn't put you in that position. On the other hand, if you're rubbing it in her face that's a different story (not insinuating that you do, just making a point). Have your smoke at work, preferably not right before you get off. Brush the teeth, wash the hands, and head home. In other words, minimize her discomfort. Relationships are give and take, as I'm sure you know. You both need to give a bit on this one I think.

I really hope you work this out. I've been down this road before with ex-girlfriends (which is exactly why they never graduated to "wife"). If you give these up, you're going to resent her for it and it'll still not be over. You'll stew about it for years.

[Cigary]

Sorry Charles to hear about your dilemna but I experienced the same thing with my last wife ( and no, we didnt divorce over my cigars but she did get pissed a few times and smashed my humidors and cut up my cigars when I got back from a business trip,,can you spell 'bad day')

Try to sit down and have a rational discussion with her about how smoking cigars makes you feel about yourself, how relaxing it is, friends, etc. There are a few products on the market for that 'ashtray mouth' we tend to get after a cigar. I know the feeling when I forget to brush my teeth before bed and wake up the next day and think,,,Holy Shyte!

I usually brush 3 times a day as it is and use the ole Sonicaire but work with her and ask her to work with you before you quite cold turkey. I agree with the gentlemen on here as far as saving the humidor and the cigars as you just may pick them up again. I know I did after several times quitting. Good Luck.

[ngetal]

sorry to hear that, bro... I hope you're able to work things out with her

[The EVP]

Play Brad Paisley's "The Fishing Song" for her and ask her if she gets the picture! Just kidding Charles.

Seriously though, sounds like she has a bit of a control issue.

[koolhandk]

Originally Posted by Cigary

Sorry Charles to hear about your dilemna but I experienced the same thing with my last wife ( and no, we didnt divorce over my cigars but she did get pissed a few times and smashed my humidors and cut up my cigars when I got back from a business trip,,can you spell 'bad day')

Try to sit down and have a rational discussion with her about how smoking cigars makes you feel about yourself, how relaxing it is, friends, etc. There are a few products on the market for that 'ashtray mouth' we tend to get after a cigar. I know the feeling when I forget to brush my teeth before bed and wake up the next day and think,,,Holy Shyte!

I usually brush 3 times a day as it is and use the ole Sonicaire but work with her and ask her to work with you before you quite cold turkey. I agree with the gentlemen on here as far as saving the humidor and the cigars as you just may pick them up again. I know I did after several times quitting. Good Luck.

oflmao:oflmao:oflmao: Holy shit dude...I would have been doing some cutting of my own like everything in her closet.

On a serious note, I had to compromise with my lady so now I only smoke once a week (usually on Friday or Saturday, more when it is a special occasion) you should be able to talk her into letting you do it that much as a way to decompress from working all week. I am sure she can handle not being that close to you one evening out of the week.

[Cigary]

Originally Posted by koolhandk

oflmao:oflmao:oflmao: Holy shit dude...I would have been doing some cutting of my own like everything in her closet.

On a serious note, I had to compromise with my lady so now I only smoke once a week (usually on Friday or Saturday, more when it is a special occasion) you should be able to talk her into letting you do it that much as a way to decompress from working all week. I am sure she can handle not being that close to you one evening out of the week.

Your powers of reading minds is amazing. After I got home and noticed all of the destruction I waited til she went to work and did exactly what you said. Took a fine razor blade and made strategic cuts in all of her clothes. Needless to say we were operating under dire circumstances in the marriage and the best hit she could use was my cigars and humis and my biggest hit were all of her nice name brand clothes. This was before the movie 'War lof the Roses' came out and I love that movie.

[CGARMAN23]

Wow Charles that really sucks. Hopefully she didn't mind you showing me around Charleston and having a couple of smokes while she was working. Well if you need to talk you how to get a hold of me. Hopefully you guys can come to some sort of compromise.

[patefengreen]

Wow, this is a tough situation. Marriage is all about compromise and give and take. Are there any other issues causing her to be so controlling? Seriously, if you quit cigars cold turkey, would she just find something else to pick on? Or does she just want to have total and complete control over you?

I know when Troy got back into cigars about a year ago and started meeting people on the board, I found it a bit odd. But I decided to give it a try and now the people we've met on the board have become near and dear friends. Cigars have just become another hobby we can share and enjoy. (Now don't get me started about the photo hobby. That's a whole other story and much, MUCH more expensive!)

Guess my point is both sides need to give a little to make a marriage work. If cigars are taking precedence over her, then that's a problem you need to correct, Charles. But if she just wants to control your every move, that's something she needs to be aware of and lighten up on. I can understand if she doesn't want you smoking because it's too expensive or she's concerned about your health or she thinks it's too stinky; but to ask you to give up something you truly enjoy, seems a bit unreasonable and demanding. I hope the two of you can talk it through and work it all out.

If all else fails, rent a locker at your B&M to store your stash safely and securely then start golfing three times a week (make sure you use the money in your account for this). See how she likes you blowing all the household jack on green fees and new clubs (you will definately need a new set of clubs for this endeavor) not to mention the time away from her while you're out golfing. Basically, we all need our own outlets. Something personal where we can blow off some steam and decompress from everyday life. The golfing option would be a very drastic measure, but I find it incomprehensible to make such a demand on another person whom you have chosen to share the rest of your life with. Again, hopefully the two of you can get everything out in the open and get to the core of the problem. I wish you the best of luck, Charles.

[mdj65]

This sounds like more than just compromise on cigars...

It's simple...You have a choice to make, cigars or your wife there is no middle ground here.

Take up another hobby and see if it is just the cigar thing or a control thing and then evaluate the situation.

And remember, sometime in the life of your marriage your wife will have a hobby that will take time away from you...then what?

Good luck!!!

[silentjon-cl]

Sorry I can't give you any advice as my wife is the complete opposite. Not only does she smokes cigars herself, but she is the one who got me into smoking cigars. Hopefully, you wife will come to understand that this something that you enjoy and that it shouldn't be taken away from you.

[ctiicda]

Originally Posted by TravelingJ

Either you are really exaggerating, or she is being very irrational.

On the 4th of July I passed out smokes to a bunch of the guys. When they were done, I started to hear about what they had to do, to keep the wife happy. One guy can only smoke outside, or in the basement using a window fan. He also has to wash his hands, brush his teeth, put on fresh cologne, and then he can kiss/talk to her. Another cut his mustache really short to help keep the smoke smell out.

Luckily, mine doesn't care AT ALL, and is fairly supportive of the habit (lately she actually suggested I open a B&M)...but just ask your wife to show you any medical proof of how it's actually bad for you! If you can't even have 3 sticks a week at work, she is going a little over the top ) =

That is another problem...she is a freaking nurse so she can point out numerous things where cigars are bad for u! lol Like i said i can not win for losing! and if i smoke she just doesnt kiss me no matter what i do...

[ctiicda]

Originally Posted by The EVP

Play Brad Paisley's "The Fishing Song" for her and ask her if she gets the picture! Just kidding Charles.

Seriously though, sounds like she has a bit of a control issue.

LMAO when we were in Florida with my family my dad played the song for her for that purpose... it was funny ...

[ctiicda]

Originally Posted by mdj65

This sounds like more than just compromise on cigars...

It's simple...You have a choice to make, cigars or your wife there is no middle ground here.

Take up another hobby and see if it is just the cigar thing or a control thing and then evaluate the situation.

And remember, sometime in the life of your marriage your wife will have a hobby that will take time away from you...then what?

Good luck!!!

I beg her to get a hobby... I dont care she works hard and finding something to unwind is cool with me. I dont know gonna smoke a little less and see if it curbs her complaining about it.

[marquelcg]

Dude, i've read everyone's reply and i think the best advice is to just talk it out, she has to understand that you do need your own thing, just to keep the marriage alive. if you do everything with her both of you will get bored. also both of you guys are young and she might not understand just how much you enjoy the hobby (she might but jus ignoring it). also she might (not saying she is) think that marriage is based on two people being under each others wings all the time; which is totally not true. any married person will tell you that. but just sit down and talk to her berfore you get rid of your stuff. as far as the kissing is concerned, my wife doesnt really kiss me either, but i could care less!!! marriage is a give and take you know this, if she's taking the majority of the time, you might want to bring that up

[ctiicda]

It is not a time thing.. I do it when she is not around or at work or I am at work. She just does not like it... i think it will be ok I will just smoke less... I am make a deal... I will smoke less if she lets me get a bigger Humidor... can you imagine the stash years down the road lol... and ohhh me smoking less could be bad for this board! I already have a bombing issue..