Crappy Bad Sad News!!

[luckyfitz13]

that is a man who needs a cigar, why is she so opposed?

[luckyfitz13]

i also think a hatred for cigars comes from a misunderstanding/lack of education about why we smoke (stress relief, guy time...ect) but i agree with stogie completely, stand your ground but be careful to not allow it to interfere with her life with you, Man i feel horrible that is such bad new, talk about a rock and a hard place....

[Ceedee]

My only thoughts are that there has to be mutual respect there in any relationship and there has to be respect for the other's boundaries. If in the end smoking cigars means less to you than you think it does, then who are we to tell you what to do?

Thing is, if you really enjoy having a cigar now and again, then this situation could become more of something that will be just under the surface and you will definitely hold it against her going forward if it really is pissing you off. You have to actually discuss the situation and if it means something to you, explain that it is NOT a situation of one or the other (having a cigar now and again and spending time with her or whatever else). There has to be some sort of compromise for both of you. A "Quid pro quo" type of thing - you smoke less cigars and... what is she going to give up in return?

The main thing in my opinion is not just brushing this under the carpet, but if it means something to you that you need to explain to her that it does mean something and why - that is, you ENJOY it.

My 3¢. Best of luck Charles. Let us know how it goes...

CD

[ctiicda]

Thanks guys and women... i am just gonna msoke a little less and continue to grow my stash. we will see how this goes. She just feels like i pick smoking a cigar over being close to her. and stogie i very rarely even smoke at the house....after she goes to bed or otherwise. I try to never smoke when she is around out of respect and well whatever we will see how it goes in the future.

[Cypress]

Good luck getting through this. What ever decision you make, we are right here to support you on this.

[gwgfree]

I gotta say this is a pretty impressive group of people here. Most of the nonsense you hear with people today is about "freedom of expression" and being yourself...you hear nothing but support for the marriage here, good stuff.

In either case...since everyone has thrown in their 2 cents here, you're about to become a millionaire, cuz here goes another:
Just don't escalate this and make it a big issue. This is the kind of stuff that people can turn into a bigger problem by becoming a martyr over it....later on "well I threw out $1k worth of cigars for you, why don't you love me more now?". Even if you do get rid of most of your stock, keep some and save them for golfing trips, days out with the guys, whatever. Whatever you do...just don't become a martyr.

[htown]

Daniel this is the twenty-first century. Boundaries are not quite as set in stone as they used to be. Women work and men even stay at home with the kids, I know I did it for nine months. Besides man if you want to have a community here on cigar live, than it is not smart to piss off some of your members, i.e the SOTL. And if your significant other knew you talked this kind of smack she would probably rattle more than pots and pans.:eeek:

Originally Posted by Stogie

No offense but you can not start letting her tell you what to do. Give them an inch and they will take a foot. You get enjoyment out of it so she needs to deal with it. You are the man of the house. Just the way I was raised. The man works and the women rattles the pots and pans.

Sorry if it seems cold but I would never let a woman tell me what I can and can not do. My wife did not like all the time I spent on CL until she started to really see how happy it made me.

[ratpak-cl]

Hope everything works out for both of you. My wife is a Nurse also (14 yrs), shoot we made a gazebo inthe back just for smokes and relaxing. Also if you started before you got engaged didn't she know what she was getting into. Kind of unfair to ask you to quite when she knew before the I do's that you did. Hope all goes well.

[Stogie]

Originally Posted by htown

Daniel this is the twenty-first century. Boundaries are not quite as set in stone as they used to be. Women work and men even stay at home with the kids, I know I did it for nine months. Besides man if you want to have a community here on cigar live, than it is not smart to piss off some of your members, i.e the SOTL. And if your significant other knew you talked this kind of smack she would probably rattle more than pots and pans.:eeek:

She was sitting next to me when I wrote it. She did not like what I said either. She is an educated woman with a degree but we chose to have her stay at home to raise our son. She supports the household and makes it easier for me to live. She is wonderfull, takes care of the boy, clothes are always clean, dinner on the table,most of all she supports me. I never take her for granted.

Yes the 21st century, just how I was raised. My honest opinion. I am old fashion in that sense. It is how I live my life, not to say it is the right way, just my way.

[DBCcigar]

Damn, that SUCKS! She should not judge you and she should be happy that you are into something that makes you very happy. Why is she so against it?

1. Cigars
2. Money
3.Women

[DBCcigar]

Damn, that SUCKS! She should not judge you and she should be happy that you are into something that makes you very happy. Why is she so against it? I am SURE she does at least ONE thing that gets under your skin. Talk with her and try to compromise. It's not like you are a drunk and doing drugs.

I would hate to see you stop doing something you have a deep passion for.

[DBCcigar]

Originally Posted by Darren's Godiva

I too have read all the comments. When I first met Darren I didn't really smoke any cigars. He was smoking just about every day. When he had a not so good report from the doctor I asked him to cut back to like 2-3 cigars a week. We had issues with that....

He then talked to me about his cigar smoking. He said, "I don't have many vices. I don't drink to get drunk, I don't smoke a pack a day, I don't treat you like crap -- go out with the guys , or even leave you for a long period of time alone to do 'just my thing"." He went on to say there are a lot of things I could do besides this that are a lot worse.

When he put it in perspective for me I understood better -- not completely just better. Then he brought me a long to herfs and such. It is a hobby we enjoy together. I only smoke once or twice a week (more if we are with friends) and he still smokes 3 - 5 cigars a week if not more. I don't kiss him after smoking, especially if I have been smoking. This is the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with -- give and take is true. I would never ask him to give up something that he enjoys and that is part of a relationship. I would never want Darren to ask me to give up something I enjoy.

Yes, you should talk to your wife. Put it on a level she can understand.

I agree 100%

[zion698]

Wow .... Charles I feel for you man. But I'm thinking there has to be a middle ground here. If she loves you your happiness should be taken into account as well. My wife doesn't really care for cigars much. When I first started we had it out. I just got tried of hearing it ... which lead to me breaking six cigars in half throwing them in the trash and pouring a bottle of Johnny Walker Red down the sink (yeah sometimes I do go too far). I simply asked her if she was happy now? A few days later my wife that knows nothing about cigars searches to find a B&M and with the help of the store owner buys me a handful of cigars. She hands them to me and apologizes (did I say how much I love my wife?). She's was just concerned for my well being.
No different than when I bought my first motorcycle. Concern is understandable ... but she still wants me to be happy at the end of the day. As I came home safe each day on my bike (and didn't do wheelies in front of the house) she became more comfortable with me riding. She even got on one time ... she was scared to death, but she tried. We were in Puerto Rico recently and I was on the balcony smoking, she came out and ask to try my Padron. Now she didn't like it, but that's part of loving someone. You try to understand and allow them to enjoy the things that make them happy within reason. I have watched soaps with my wife ... it wouldn't be my first choice of programming, but I know who the characters are. Its something she likes so why should I not at least make a effort to see what its about? I know am the man of the house (just like she's the woman of the house) ... I don't have to but a sign around my neck and puff my chest out to prove it.
I smoke outside when my wife and daugther are inside doing other things or at the local B&Ms and lounges. If I was out around alot of smoke first I do is take a bath and brush my teeth. If I was just outside than I just wash my hands and brush my teeth. Even I don't like the after taste of a cigar that I smoked two hours ago ... so how can I expect her too? We are talking about a relationship here ... There has to be some give and take or you guys simply won't make it.

[patefengreen]

Originally Posted by Stogie

She was sitting next to me when I wrote it. She did not like what I said either. She is an educated woman with a degree but we chose to have her stay at home to raise our son. She supports the household and makes it easier for me to live. She is wonderfull, takes care of the boy, clothes are always clean, dinner on the table,most of all she supports me. I never take her for granted.

Yes the 21st century, just how I was raised. My honest opinion. I am old fashion in that sense. It is how I live my life, not to say it is the right way, just my way.

Holy moley man! I knew your thoughts on this, Stogie, as you made these exact comments in one of your emails during the Arganese debacle. However, I never mentioned it to anyone because I was embarrased for you. Now I see there was no reason for me to protect you. Congratulations, you have just won the award for male chauvinist jerk of the year. Seriously, all I can say is wow.

You know, you go to great lengths to protect your advertisers and coddle them so they won't hear anything derogatory (removing posts and trying to head off unpleasant comments before they come out on the forum), but then to throw your wife under the bus like that makes me truly wonder what is most important in your life. If you could only have one thing what would it be? Your wife and family, your job, the forum, or hob-nobing w/cigar manufacturers. I'm really baffled by your comments. Charles IS being a man. He's trying to find a happy medium in his marriage. Kudos to him for being such a big man in trying to work it out instead of just saying, "I'm the man here, go cook my supper woman!" I'm simply baffled, simply baffled.

[eodcole]

rut row shaggy.....

To stir some poop a little. What if I said I was brought up with a serial killer as a dad? Does that make it okay to slice up prostitutes and social degenerates?.....COMPLETELY joking guys..I don't see this poke going well with me having under 100 posts here.