Ballad of Dan Rather

[2chairs]

...sung to the tune of "The Ballad of Jed Clampett" from the Beverly Hillbillies:

Come and listen to my story 'bout a man named Dan,
The documents were fake and he didn't give a damn;
He put 'em on the air, an' he thought he'd done the job,
But up from the web come a howlin' mob.

Blogs, that is. Web logs. Checkin' facts.

Well, the first thing you know ol' Dan's a-runnin' fast;
Made a false report an' it bit him in the ass;
He said 'dog-gonnit, I done thought I'd get away!'
But it turned out to be his a-reckonin' day.

Busted, that is. Red-faced. Mud in the eye.

Well, now it's time to say goodbye to Dan and all his men;
And they would like to shoot you folks for turnin' them in;
You're all invited back next week to watch the Evening News,
And see which correspondent's picked to fill Dan's empty shoes.

Y'all come back, now, hear?

[assafire]

OMG, that's brilliant

I always wished I'd had the arrogance to never be embarassed when I was caught doing something stupid. I hear the Simpson's are beating CBS news in some markets, now. Doh! Better analysis and facts.

Time for a Gispert Gordo

[summerkc]

Originally Posted by assafire

I hear the Simpson's are beating CBS news in some markets, now. Doh! Better analysis and facts.

Time for a Gispert Gordo

Yeah, RE-RUNS of the Simpons (which is understandable) and reruns of King of Queens (which is a lot more suprising since I know no one who watches it) are both beating CBS news according to Nielson.

I can't believe this ass and how he is going through with this story. He now says that the documents may be false but that doesn't matter because the heart of the story is true. The whole story right now is hindging on the story of a 85 year old secratary that has said in interviews that Bush is "unfit for command" and was "selected, not elected". She has also said in the past that she doesn't remember anything about the documents. Now amazingly she has changed her story that she remembers every memo she wrote 35 years ago.

Can you say agenda? And this is the only proof they have right now.

It doesn't even really matter, a poll taken says that only 13% of people think Bush's Guard record is relavent.

The song was great though.

[assafire]

Originally Posted by summerkc

Yeah, RE-RUNS of the Simpons (which is understandable) and reruns of King of Queens (which is a lot more suprising since I know no one who watches it) are both beating CBS news according to Nielson.

I can't believe this ass and how he is going through with this story. He now says that the documents may be false but that doesn't matter because the heart of the story is true. The whole story right now is hindging on the story of a 85 year old secratary that has said in interviews that Bush is "unfit for command" and was "selected, not elected". She has also said in the past that she doesn't remember anything about the documents. Now amazingly she has changed her story that she remembers every memo she wrote 35 years ago.

Can you say agenda? And this is the only proof they have right now.

It doesn't even really matter, a poll taken says that only 13% of people think Bush's Guard record is relavent.

The song was great though.

Well, 1971, Kerry told the Senate a pack of lies so as to get his issues discussed. So, this is consistent for these guys.

Freedom of the press means nothing if you can't print whatever you want, regardless of facts, about whomever. whatever one wishes.
A sad decline for CBS, Ed Murrow must be spinning.

Greed, Her memory is amazing. I'm 35 years younger and sometimes can't remember why I went from one room to another. Wife's the same way. Age really blows, all in all.

[SeanGAR]

Originally Posted by summerkc

It doesn't even really matter, a poll taken says that only 13% of people think Bush's Guard record is relavent.

Amen.

I'm pretty much convinced Bush was AWOL because NOBODY has come forward even for a $10,000 reward and said they trained with him in Alabama, [SIZE=5]but for the love of Mike, WHO THE &$@! CARES? [/SIZE]

[assafire]

Originally Posted by SeanGAR

Amen.

I'm pretty much convinced Bush was AWOL because NOBODY has come forward even for a $10,000 reward and said they trained with him in Alabama, [SIZE=5]but for the love of Mike, WHO THE &$@! CARES? [/SIZE]

[SIZE=6]BINGO![/SIZE]

While the world discusses 35 years ago and if missing a physical is important, Kerry is unheard and Bush keeps advancing the ball.
And after it is all said and done, WHO THE &$@! CARES?

I wish I'd said that first, it is so appropo and seems to be all they got.
Poor SeanGAR, your frustration is palpable as is so many others.
WHO THE &$@! CARES? It just deserved to be said again.

[summerkc]

Originally Posted by assafire

[SIZE=6]BINGO![/SIZE]

While the world discusses 35 years ago and if missing a physical is important, Kerry is unheard and Bush keeps advancing the ball.
And after it is all said and done, WHO THE &$@! CARES?

I wish I'd said that first, it is so appropo and seems to be all they got.
Poor SeanGAR, your frustration is palpable as is so many others.
WHO THE &$@! CARES? It just deserved to be said again.

The reason it keeps coming up is that the Democrats have absolutely nothing to run with in this election. Everything they have tried has failed. J.K.'s vietnam service blewup in his face, the economy keeps getting stronger and stronger, the war on terrorism keeps getting put in the forefront with Spain, Russia (twice), and other places.

Meanwhile, the only topic they have a leg to stand on and where Bush could really be hurt is the Iraq war, and you have John Kerry saying things all over the map. Im for it, against it, for it, it was the right thing to do, wrong war wrong time wrong place, I voted for the 87 billion before I voted against it, its good Saddams out of power, we are are less safe today, I would vote to allow it again.... He is freaking crazy! If he would have had some balls and just stuck to the stupid crap he says he would be better off no made what the stance.

Right now, his campaign looks like a three ring circus with no clear direction and nobody really calling the shots. Is this how we want the country to be run?

[SeanGAR]

Originally Posted by summerkc

Right now, his campaign looks like a three ring circus with no clear direction and nobody really calling the shots. Is this how we want the country to be run?

You are far too kind.

[assafire]

Originally Posted by summerkc

The reason it keeps coming up is that the Democrats have absolutely nothing to run with in this election. Everything they have tried has failed. J.K.'s vietnam service blewup in his face, the economy keeps getting stronger and stronger, the war on terrorism keeps getting put in the forefront with Spain, Russia (twice), and other places.

Meanwhile, the only topic they have a leg to stand on and where Bush could really be hurt is the Iraq war, and you have John Kerry saying things all over the map. Im for it, against it, for it, it was the right thing to do, wrong war wrong time wrong place, I voted for the 87 billion before I voted against it, its good Saddams out of power, we are are less safe today, I would vote to allow it again.... He is freaking crazy! If he would have had some balls and just stuck to the stupid crap he says he would be better off no made what the stance.

Right now, his campaign looks like a three ring circus with no clear direction and nobody really calling the shots. Is this how we want the country to be run?

Hah, Just wait till the debates, those should be some REAL fun to watch as Kerry squirms out of how many positions? Siegfried and Roy will look more cogent and qualified.

And the CBS Doc thing is getting good. It will kill the Kerry campaign and I think its showing in the numbers already. People do really hate a deliberate and obvious hit job.

[shelvingunit]

Very funny!

[assafire]

Well, Rather biased has finally come clean. They ignored their own doc experts who had concerns. The old secretary now says CBS misled her prior to the interview. And CBS interviewed Bush's room mate through some of his Guard time. They disqualified him as too Pro Bush. So much for fairness and balance.

Now, Whats all this about CBS arranging a meeting between Burkett and Kerry campaign official and former Clinton Press Sec, Joe Lockhart. as a condition for the documents? Just think if this had been FOX and the Bush campaign, the wailing would be mighty indeed. I'm betting outside of the net, this fiasco will be greeted with a whimper from the NY Times, et al.

All pretense of neutrality will be perceptually removed for more people than ever. FNC is the clear winner here, Kerry is the loser as he is buried behind the hoopla over Rather

[assafire]

I have discovered, in the bottom of the cat box, some heretofore unknown memos regarding Dan Rather.

Dan Rather Is Really a Woman Who Spied for the Cubans!

Thursday, September 16, 2004
Jack Kinsella - Omega Letter Editor
Newly discovered documents revealed that Dan Rather was really born a woman! The shocking discovery came after documents were discovered, signed by a doctor (now dead) and recovered from a hospital (before all its remaining records were destroyed by fire.)

Rather is also a cocaine addict, according to other newly discovered medical documents, and likes to ride his motorcyle while dressed as Conan the Barbarian, say unnamed friends.

At one time, other newly discovered documents reveal, Rather was a paid agent of the Cuban government who passed nuclear secrets directly to Fidel Castro, with whom he was having an affair, according to memos written by his personal secretary, now deceased.

I cannot reveal the source of these documents without compromising my integrity. Besides, the preponderence of evidence supports my documentary evidence, so it doesn't matter if they are fakes or not.

Sometimes, Dan's voice will squeak, and during times of great emotion, he tears up like a little girl. And sometimes, when he comes on the air, his voice has a nasal twang, like it was all stuffed with coke.

Dan is from Texas, so it fits the profile that he would have a motorcycle. And, as a card-carrying member of the elite New York media, ditto for the Conan the Barbarian suit.

Plus, Dan Rather has been photographed with both Fidel and Saddam. And, it explains why Dan Rather opposes both the Cuban embargo and the Iraq war.

The evidence continues to mount. . .

There will be some who might challenge the authenticity of my documentation, but those are not truth seekers, but members of Dan Rather's fan club, who are seeking to destroy my credibility.

Anyone who considers the preponderance of evidence will be able to tell that my documents, though they may be forgeries, are completely consistent with the overall story.

Besides, even if they are forgeries done on my word processor, they are faithful representations of documents I saw decades ago, once. And anyway, what difference does it make?

If this story isn't true, then Dan Rather should release his medical records, his private diaries, and all his personal travel records and PROVE he isn't really a coke-crazed woman who is a sucker for a tyrant in a uniform and has a nose like a vacuum cleaner.

Why won't he do it? The answer is obvious. He must have something to hide.

Note to liberals: This column is a parody as is the "warcquone malfunction" below!