The Great White Mouse Hunter.

[kansashat]

My 1st experience with this elusive prey was at about age 4 or 5 on the basement steps of the parsonage at Winigan, Mo.
I spied a mouse on the step & before thinking, grabbed him by the tail. The frightened mouse turned & bit my finger. I squealed like a stuck pig (it didn't even break the skin) & scared the daylights out of my Mother.
Fast forward 12 years or so........

When I was @17, a coupla my friends rented an apartment in a converted Victorian style house in Independence, Mo. It was a place to hang out, smoke dope, drink beer & comiserate together, with my friends, about our terrible luck in the pursuit of the fairer sex.
We discovered that there was a mouse living under the refridgerator. We put our heads together & struck upon a plan. Two guys would move the fridge, frightening the mouse from his hiding place, while two guys would wait in ambush with whatever weaponry we could scrounge up. We were in hopes that the mouse would make a break for the door to the living room. I waited, kneeling on the kitchen floor with a butcher knife, while Rick stood in the door with a broom.
Les & I can't remember which friend (there was a gang of us little hoodlums) moved the fridge. The mouse ran out & followed the path we had planned perfectly. I brought the knife down in a sweeping arc........this action was followed by a stunned silence as the dead mouse slid across the kitchen floor. The dull knife had broken the poor critter's back.
This was my 1st actual kill.......many more would follow.

I will write another installment after some household chores are finished.

[Da Klugs]

WTF?

Has Mrs Hat been putting some of her "special spice" in the bananacreampie today?

Been spending too much time looking at IHT's calendar link and overlading on testoserone? See second link in thread for cure.



Khat defendor of baked desserts and worshiper of the rolled weed. Masquerading as a mild mannered engine additive purveyor. He travels the great state of Kansas with sweet smelling smoke bellowing from his chariot, sampling desserts in towns along the way, all the while keeping a sharp eye out for...

[floydp]

Looking forward to the next installment Mr. Hat,same hat time,same hat channel..

[kansashat]

Ok. It didn't take long to take out the trash.

At age 21-22, I was working as a bartender at a supper club outside of Fredonia, Ks. We had a bar at one end, a kitchen at the other, split level dining (public dining was the upper level & club dining was lower level by the bay windows). The liquor storage room was at the other end of the building from the bar, on the same level as the club dining, in fact, at one end of the club dining room.
I had run out of a brand of whiskey & had grabbed the key & made a dash for the liquor closet at the other end of the building. It was a busy night & the dining room was full.
I unlocked the door & snapped on the light. A few feet away, a mouse froze in its journey among the liquor bottles on a shelf. In a flash, I took two steps & grabbed the mouse by the tail. Memories from my childhood arced through my brain cells & not wanting to see the flash & naw of mouse teeth on my tender skin, I started to twirl the squeeking mouse in the air.
Ok, I said to myself......what the hell are you going to do now? I did the only thing that came to mind. I dashed the mouse to the floor as hard as I could. He bounced about three times, breathed a coupla times & expired.......on the dining room floor!
I peeked around the doorjam at the crowd of loquacious diners & breathed a sigh of relief. No one had noticed! I quickly stepped out, scooped up the mouse, twirled & pushed open the emergency exit door, tossing the dead mouse into the cold night.

Next......

The Adventure of the Mouse, Gross Willy, & the Carving Fork

[kansashat]

To give this story a bit of flavor, I need to give you a bit of background on "Gross Willy." Gross Willy is a colorful local character who farms, teaches English at a rural high school & coaches HS football. He is a very intelligent, witty, interesting fella & it is a pleasure to converse with Gross Willy. He got his nickname by pumping up the football team by swallowing live grasshoppers at practice sessions. He told me once that you need to remove the back legs 1st as they have a powerful kick on the way down.

One slow Sunday, in the local night club I managed, Willy is the only customer at the bar. I had a few others playing pool & whatnot, but Willy was the only guy at the bar. He had come to town to have a coupla cold ones after chores on the farm.

Anyhow, Willy & I are shootin' the breeze & I kept hearing this crinkling noise. After a while, I held up a finger to shush Willy.
He looked mildly annoyed.

On the back bar we kept an assortment of snacks......chips, pickled eggs, those gross red hot mamas floating in a jar, peanuts, snack crackers, etc. You've seen it before.

A mouse was inside the cheese cracker box! He was nibbling on the crackers & making the crinkling noise with the cellophane.

I grabbed a carving fork we kept around for when we grilled outside for various events......mostly football games.

Creeping up slowly on the back bar, I held the fork poised near the box of cheese crackers......crinkle, crinkle.
I plunged the fork into the box of cheese crackers & pulled it out with a package of crackers impaled on the fork.

"Did ya get eem?" Willy inquired.

I peered into the box......nothing!

"Damn! I musta missed eem!" I griped.

About that time the fork almost jumped out of my hand! The mouse was inside the package of crackers, skewered on the fork.

It startled the heck outa me & Willy laughed. The mouse soon expired & Willy said, "What ya gonna do with that mouse?"

I replied that I was going to dispose of it & he asked if he could have it.

"Uh, sure."

"There's a tomcat on the farm that I've been tryin' to make friends with," Willy grinned, dropped it in his shirt pocket & returned to his beer.

A little while later, I told Willy it was pretty slow & I was gonna close up. He asked if I wanted him to leave & I said no rush, I've got to get rid of these other guys 1st.

Willy asked me if I'd like for him to clear the bar for me as he pulled the mouse out of his pocket & held it dangling by it's tail over his open mouth........that's Gross Willy for ya.

[Steeltown]

You've got some skills. The only time I tried to kill a mouse was at my grandpa's house outside of Pittsburgh. He trapped him and then was going to release him in the yard so I could chase him around w/ a broom and kill him. I decided I needed more of an advantage, so I figured I'd "smoke" him a little bit. I got a few sticks, lit them, and a minute later blew out the flame, and tried to make the mouse smell the smoke so he'd get somewhat disoriented/dizzy.

Then we released him and i tried to smash him w/ the broom. It was just like in the cartoons - as soon as I swung down on him, he'd jump about 3" in the air, just enough to escape the swat. After about 6 slams he was gone. This was back when I was about 15. I never have had another run-in w/ a mouse since, but rest assured, I'm like the Count of Monte Cristo - I'm patiently waiting for my revenge.

[eef]

I had a pet mouse that escaped it's cage and was too damn fast to catch, so I had to set up mouse traps. Well I get home from work one night and I see he is in the mouse trap.. the trap is lodged half way through his skull and he's all magled up. So I go to grab the dead mouse and toss him when as I move him he SQUEEAAAKs like the dickens and I jump about 30 feet in the air (incredibly my ceiling is only about 10 feet up, figure that out). So I decided I had to put him out of his misery... Ineeded a hammer. SOmehow, all the good hammers were missing, the only one I could find was one of those tiny poley hammers where the actual pounding end was only like half an inch in diameter. So, meedless to say my first few hits completely missed my target (the brain) and I just went into rapid fire because the damn mouse was squeaking like a rubber ducky during a mental breakdown. Anyway, that's my mouse death story.
-eef

[Steeltown]

Originally Posted by eef

I had a pet mouse that escaped it's cage and was too damn fast to catch, so I had to set up mouse traps. Well I get home from work one night and I see he is in the mouse trap.. the trap is lodged half way through his skull and he's all magled up. So I go to grab the dead mouse and toss him when as I move him he SQUEEAAAKs like the dickens and I jump about 30 feet in the air (incredibly my ceiling is only about 10 feet up, figure that out). So I decided I had to put him out of his misery... Ineeded a hammer. SOmehow, all the good hammers were missing, the only one I could find was one of those tiny poley hammers where the actual pounding end was only like half an inch in diameter. So, meedless to say my first few hits completely missed my target (the brain) and I just went into rapid fire because the damn mouse was squeaking like a rubber ducky during a mental breakdown. Anyway, that's my mouse death story.
-eef

gruesome.

[GOAT LOCKER]

Khat, I'm shipping you my cat. Please train him in the arts, a brown belt in Ro Den Ded As Doe would be greatly apreciated, oh great mouse master

[RcktS4]

When I was a young bachelor lad, living in a small house with one roomate, one pitbull, and three bedrooms (one was kept cold in the winter for beer sotrage) we decided one day to do an unheard of act. We decided to cook. In the oven. The conventional oven.

After about three minutes, we noticed that Bubba (the pit - short for Baelzebubba) was intently scampering around the kitchen. If you've never been around a pit when they're hunting, they can be EXTREMELY persistent. We managed to carry the dog out of the room, and put him downstairs, but as we were, out of the corner of my eye I noticed a brown flash go around the corner into the bathroom. About this time, the oven also started to smell like some very warped shade of animal piss, so we deduced: Mouse. Living in the heretofore unused oven. Now in the bathroom. Trapped.

Like Khat's fridge story, we devised a plan of frighten, single escape rout from the cabinet under the sink toward the door. I was chosen to wield the small rowboat oar that would do the killing.

Plan begins. One small miscalculation. Not a mouse. Rat. THE BIGGEST MotherFigure of a Rat I had ever, or have ever to this day seen. And I lived in Brooklyn for a summer. If it was a kitten it would have been the Alpha kitten.

I, of course, calmly Sh!t my pants and swung the damn oar down as hard as I could, broke the oar, and bounced that rat off the floor, up to about head height. Time stood still as I looked directly into that Rat's eyes... I swear to God he looked like he was putting some voodoo curse on me. I had a brief vision of the rat shooting through the air into my face (anyone remember the original Willard?) Fortunately, he hit the floor, twitched once, and drifted off to rat heaven. Or cigar bid... whatever.

I don't think we ever did make dinner.

[Ms. Floydp]

ooooooh...what gruesome stories!!!

[God]

Hat... I'm at a loss for words... and that doesn't happen very often... LOL!

[linusvanpelt]

I don't kill mice...I let my cats do it for me!!

We have a disabled cat who has limited control over its hips and back legs. Because of this, she has developed Popeye-like forelegs and can pull herself straight up almost any height. Our other two cats, knowing that the disabled one is at a disadvantage in the hunting dept., decided to teach her how to hunt. Using live mice. In our bedroom. At 4am.

One morning we woke up to find all three cats scampering around the bedroom floor. The two adult cats had caught a mouse, brought it to the bedroom, dropped it in front of the disabled one, and played goalie as she tried to catch it. She eventually did, and proceded to eat it on the bathroom rug.

She now knows how to hunt, and everything she catches gets eaten on the rug.

[MM2(SW)S]

When will the next instalment of this miniseries be posted? I am eagerly awaiting.

[TheSmokingHiker]

Originally Posted by linusvanpelt

I don't kill mice...I let my cats do it for me!!

We have a disabled cat who has limited control over its hips and back legs. Because of this, she has developed Popeye-like forelegs and can pull herself straight up almost any height. Our other two cats, knowing that the disabled one is at a disadvantage in the hunting dept., decided to teach her how to hunt. Using live mice. In our bedroom. At 4am.

One morning we woke up to find all three cats scampering around the bedroom floor. The two adult cats had caught a mouse, brought it to the bedroom, dropped it in front of the disabled one, and played goalie as she tried to catch it. She eventually did, and proceded to eat it on the bathroom rug.

She now knows how to hunt, and everything she catches gets eaten on the rug.

Isnt it amazing to see animals behave like that. They are much smarter than we give the credit for.