Man Laws

[germantown rob]

MAN LAWS

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
- (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
- (b) The moment a HOT women starts unbuttoning her blouse.
- (c) After wrecking your boss' car.
- (d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally beaten & killed by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is
strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless
model and only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
- (a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
- (b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
- (c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below.

"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next."

[hova45]

Nice Rules

[vintagejc]

Those are the laws I live by!! All except the "your next" one, that's just too much.

[DriftyGypsy]

You forgot...

No frigging fruit in the beer... fruiting beer falls under the same classification as fruity umbrella drinks...

[smokehouse]

[Corona Gigante]

Originally Posted by germantown rob

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

*ahem*

I guess I'm showing my age here, but does the name Katarina Witt mean nothing to you?!

[punch]

Originally Posted by Corona Gigante

*ahem*

I guess I'm showing my age here, but does the name Katarina Witt mean nothing to you?!

I'll take a sport where a woman comes passed me with her leg in the air showing me her cootchie any day over a sport where a bunch of men line up facing each other while one holds what appears to be a large turd and the guy behind him fondles him until they all go crashing into each other. At least with ice skating, the men fondle women!

[King James]

Originally Posted by Corona Gigante

*ahem*

I guess I'm showing my age here, but does the name Katarina Witt mean nothing to you?!

More of a Sasha Cohen fan myself



And the "guts" and "balls" ones are hilarious.... I don't think I'd ever try 'em tho.

[DriftyGypsy]

I prefer Beach Volleyball

[cman78]

Originally Posted by germantown rob

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

Well Crap!!!! I gave her what she wanted. Great list

[Alyks]

That was funny. Even made my wife laugh.

[Darrell]

Nice, those are old but always funny!

[CigarDoc]

ROFLMAO, I think I just pee'd a little bit

[GoodFella]

rule?
Two guys are not allowed to drive in a small convertible car with the top down and look like they are having fun.

the terminator and rambo could be in a convertible with each other if either one is smiling that may as well be holding hands.

[Texan in Mexico]

Originally Posted by Darrell

Nice, those are old but always funny!

plus the photos are nice