Women's english Men's english

[DKS]

Reading the joke that The Prince posted reminded me of this one someone sent me a while back.

WOMEN'S ENGLISH
"Yes" = No

"No" = Yes

"Maybe" = No

"It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

"Do what you want" = You'll pay for this later.

"We need to talk" = I need to complain.

sure....... ... go ahead" = I don't want you to.

"I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

"Be romantic, turn out the lights" = I have flabby thighs.

"This kitchen is so inconvenient" = I want a new house.

"I want new curtains" = and carpeting, and furniture, and
wallpaper.....

"I heard a noise" =I noticed you were almost asleep.

"Do you love me?" = I'm going to ask for something expensive.

"How much do you love me?" = I did something today you're really not going to like.

"Is my butt fat?" = Tell me I'm beautiful.

"You have to learn to communicate." = Just agree with me.

"Are you listening to me?" = [Too late, you're dead.]


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MEN'S ENGLISH:

"I'm hungry." = I'm hungry.

"I'm sleepy." = I'm sleepy.

"I'm tired." = I'm tired.

"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!

"You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to fondle you.

"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?

"What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.

"I'm bored." = Do you want to have sex?

"I love you." = Let's have sex now.

"I love you, too." = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!

"Let's talk." = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.

"Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other men.
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I was reading an article the other day where Stephen King was giving his take on why people like to watch horror movies.
Along with a few great statements like, “I think that we’re all mentally ill; those of us outside the asylums only hide it a little better---and maybe not all that much better, after all.” -and- “It was Lennon and McCartney who said that all you need is love, and I would agree with that. As long as you keep the gators fed.”
King also threw in the following joke passed on to him by a 10 year old:
“What’s the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of dead babies? (You can’t unload a truckload of bowling balls with a pitchfork.)” What an interesting fellow that Stephen King is.

I didn’t feel this deserved a new topic so I threw it in here.

[carbonbased_al]

Some truth to that first joke.

[5thDan]

Love the mens english. How true.