In Memory Of The Great George Carlin

[shaggy]

GEORGE CARLIN'S NEW RULES FOR 2008


New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.


New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days --- mowing my lawn.


New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Lobster?


New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged . I have a better description for these kids: 'Lucky bastards.'


New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Good, we're done.


New Rule:There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but, without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.


New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low, and One NutraSweet,' ooooh, you're a huge asshole.


New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you Spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to 'beef with broccoli.' The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.


New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.


New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese.


New Rule: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than Minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying, 'Do you want fries with that?'

[CBI_2]

Thanks! That's great stuff.

[tsolomon]

Here's to George and the new rules, Cheers!

[bwalker2us]

Thanks for the salute to George, he is one of my all time favorite comedians, I will miss him yet remember him every time I play one of his comedy CD's or DVD's

[andrewsutherland2002]

We will forever miss Carlin. Yet his comedy will live forever.

[orca99usa]

George Carlin was one of my all-time favorite comedians. Although there was profanity in his act, that wasn't all it was about, unlike some of today's bunch. One my late father (an Air Force veteran) particularly liked.

"The ultimate oxymoron: military intelligence."

There were so many great lines, like Al Sleet, the hippie dippy weatherman:

"Tonight's forecast: dark. Continuing mostly dark tonight, turning to widely scattered light in the morning."

"And now here's a partial score: Stanford 29."

RIP, George. You made us all laugh for many years.

[slimm]

Fantastic!

[jamesb3]

Thanks for that. Always a great laugh from George. He was the man.

[joehjoeh]

FYI, HBO will be airing eleven of his comedy specials on Wednesday and Thursday night. five the first night, and six the second. for more info, go to http://www.hbo.com/events/george-car...eat_main_image

[mustang1]

"What was the best thing before sliced bread?"

"Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That’s just common sense!"

"The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”

R.I.P. We'll miss you Mr. Carlin.

[shaggy]

i hear that this saturday night, they are airing the first saturday nite live which carlin hosted...