6 reasons to think before you speak

[sgtbreeden]

[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -[/SIZE] [/SIZE] [SIZE=2] The last one is great![/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]Have you ever spoken and wished that you could[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]Immediately take the words back...[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]Or that you could crawl into a hole?[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]
FIRST TESTIMONY:[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]loudly,[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?'[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]I turned around and walked back out and never went back[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]My husband didn't say a word...[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]He knew better.[/SIZE][/SIZE]

[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]SECOND TESTIMONY:[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]After browsing for several minutes,[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]store.[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]He asked if he could help me.[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]men's balls'[/SIZE][/SIZE]

[SIZE=2][SIZE=3] THIRD TESTIMONY:[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]My sister and I were at the mall and[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]Passed by a store that sold a[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]Variety of candy and nuts.[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]As we were looking at the display case,[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]The boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.'[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]My sister started to laugh hysterically.[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]To this day, my sister has never let me forget.[/SIZE][/SIZE]

[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]FOURTH TESTIMONY:[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]While in line at the bank one afternoon,[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]My toddler decided to release[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]Some pent-up energy and ran amok.[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]I was finally able to grab hold of[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]Her after receiving looks of disgust[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]And annoyance from other patrons.[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]I told her that if she did not start behaving[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]'right now' she would be punished.[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]threatening,[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]'If you don't let me go right now,[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]I will tell Grandma that I saw you[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]Kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]I mustered up the last of my dignity and[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]Walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]laughter.[/SIZE][/SIZE]

[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]FIFTH TESTIMONY:[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]on him constantly.[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]It was very busy, with a full dining room.[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]While enjoying my taco,[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]I smelled something funny, so of course I checked[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]My seven- month-old daughter, she was clean.[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]The realized that Danny[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]Had not asked to go potty in a while.[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]I asked him if he needed to go,[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]And he said 'No'.[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]I kept thinking 'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident,[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]And I don't have any clothes with me.'[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]Then I said,[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?'[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]'No,' he replied.[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]getting worse.[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]Soooooo, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident?[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]Bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!'[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]An old couple made me feel better,[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]Thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had![/SIZE][/SIZE]

[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]This had most of the state of [/SIZE]Michigan laughing for 2 days[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]And a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]think before she speaks.[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]What happens when you predict snow but don't get any![/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]We had a female news anchor that,[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]The day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]Turned to the weatherman and asked:[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?'[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]Not only did HE have to leave the set,[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][SIZE=3]But half the crew did too they were laughing so hard![/SIZE][/SIZE]

[Scud]

Those are awesome!!!

[Jack Straw]

My old barber had a sign in his shop that said, "Be sure brain is in gear before engaging mouth"