22 Ways to be a good Democrat

[Iceman]

1. You have to be against capital punishment, but
support abortion on demand.

2. You have to believe that businesses create
oppression and governments create prosperity.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of
law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S.
nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and
North Korean communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before
Federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are
less affected by documented cyclical changes in the
earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms
driving SUV's.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are
artificial but being homosexual is natural.

7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread
by a lack of federal funding.

8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't
teach fourth graders how to read is somehow qualified
to teach those same kids about sex.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about
nature, but loony activists who have never been
outside of San Francisco do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more
important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25
million of his own money to make " The Passion of the
Christ " for financial gain only.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it
supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the
ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the
Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but
ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and
Gloria Steinem are more important to American history
than Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Edison, and A.G. Bell.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are
racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal
and is a very nice person.

17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism
hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the
right people haven't been in charge.

18. You have to believe conservatives telling the
truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender
belonged in the White House..

19. You have to believe that homosexual parades
displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should
be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at
Christmas should be illegal.

20. You have to believe that illegal Democrat Party
funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the
best interest to the United States .

21. You have to believe that this message is a part of
a vast, right wing conspiracy.

22. You have to believe that it's okay to give Federal
workers the day off on Christmas Day but it's not okay
to say "Merry Christmas."

[Denahue]

Such a true post! Funny, but unfortunatly true and scary!!!

[CRider]

Oh man, I should send this to my mom! It oughta piss her off enough that she wouldn't call for at least 6 months



Maybe I should wait until after Christmas?

[thehat101]

Couldnt have sai it better myself !!!!!!!!!! Nice post

[anton]

just to keep it fair and balanced

25 Ways to be a Good Republican

1) Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you are millionaire conservative radio jock, which makes it an illness and needs our prayers for your recovery.

2) You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own.

3) You have to believe that the US should get out of the UN, and that our highest national priority is enforcing UN resolutions against Iraq.

4) You have to believe that government should stay out of people's lives but it needs to punish anyone caught having private sex with the wrong gender.

5) You have to believe that pollution is ok, so long as it makes a profit.

6) You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to Allah or Buddha.

7) "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their
jobs to India.

You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her own body, but that large multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind with no regulation whatsoever.

9) You have to believe that you love Jesus and Jesus loves you, and that Jesus shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and Hillary Clinton.

10) You hate the ALCU for representing convicted felons, but they owed it to the country to bail out Oliver North.

11) You have to believe that the best way to encourage military morale is to praise the troops overseas while cutting their VA benefits.

12) You believe that group sex and drug use are degenerate sins that can only be purged by running for governor of California as a Republican.

13) You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, because we all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex.

14) You have to believe that the best way to fight terrorism is to alienate our allies and then demand their cooperation and money.

15) You have to believe that government medicine is wrong and that HMO's and insurance companies only have your best interests at heart.

16) You have to believe that providing health care to all Iraqis is sound government policy but providing health care to all Americans is socialism personified.

17) You believe that tobacco's link to cancer and global warming are "junk science", but Creationism should be taught in schools.

1 You have to believe that waging war with no exit strategy was wrong in Vietnam but right in Iraq.

19) You have to believe that Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney was doing business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a we-can't-find-Bin-Laden diversion.

20) You believe that government should restrict itself to just the powers named in the Constitution, which includes banning gay marriages and censoring the internet.

21) You have to believe that the public has a right to know about the adulterous affairs of Democrats, while those of Republicans are a private matter.

22) You have to believe that the public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades but that Bush was right to censor those 28 pages from the Congressional 9/11 report because you just can't handle the truth.


23) You have to believe that trade with Cuba is wrong because it is communist, but trading with China and Vietnam is just dandy

24) You have to believe that what Clinton did in the 1960's is of vital national interest but what Bush did decades later is stale news and irrelevant.

25) You have to believe that this message was authored by a left-wing pinko socialist bleeding heart liberal.

[Iceman]

I believe we have covered the fringe elements of both parties, which sadly means all the members of Congress...

[anton]

Originally Posted by Iceman

I believe we have covered the fringe elements of both parties, which sadly means all the members of Congress...

just how it is. None deserve a pass. I would never be a member of either corrupt party.

[JAX]

I'm not sure if these are both funny because they are true or because they are a "joke"......either way I'm laughing!!!

[KevinG]

This is the best post I ever read in my life.

Great job Rick and Anton.