Zen Scarcasm

[CBCyclone]

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either, just leave me the hell alone.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky radiator.

Do not strive to be irreplaceable. If you cannot be replaced, you cannot be promoted.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, miss a couple car payments.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and he'll be barefooted.

If at first you don't succeed, do not take up skydiving.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to faish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

If you lend someone $20 and you never see that person again, consider it money well spent.

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

Duct tape is to home repair as The Force is to Star Wars. It has a light side and a dark side, holds the universe together.

There are two theories to arguing with women. It is not necessary to compare them since neither one works.

You learn nothing when your lips are moving.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night*

As I remember from listening to a 2006 episode of Blowin' Smoke, Vince knows that lesson well!

[cigarsarge-cl]

Give a man a match...He'll stay warm for awhile. Set him on fire with that match...He'll be warm for the rest of his life.

[CBCyclone]

Give a man a good cigar, he'll thank you at the time. Tell a man about CigarLive, he'll thank you for the rest of his life!

[Ceedee]

... as Confucius said, "Man who fart in church, sit in own pew!"

CD

[mrgatorman]

Keep the lipstick off your dipstick

[CBCyclone]

Confucius say: Most arguments are sound....all sound....nothing but sound.