Medical stories!!!

[ilovecl-cl]

1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby
>in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's
>dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there
>were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
>Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio , TX .
>
>
>2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
>slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
>instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.
>Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA
>
>
>3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
> husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than
>five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he
>had died of a "massive internal fart."
>Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg , Manitoba , Canada
>
>
>4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
>cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with
>one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told
>me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to
>put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't
>see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the
>instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
>Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA
>
>
>5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How
>long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she
>answered... "Why, not for about twenty years, when my husband was alive."
>Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis , OR
>
>
>6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this
>morning?"
>"It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to
>the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the
>woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
>Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI
>
>
>7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with
>purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of
>tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined
>that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate
>surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff
>noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a
>tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed,
>the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said,
>"Sorry, had to mow the lawn"..........Submitted by RN... no name.
>
>
>AND FINALLY!!!......
>8. As a new, young MD doing his residency, I was quite embarrassed when
>performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had
>unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady
>upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and
>further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm
>sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were
>whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
>Dr. wouldn't submit his name .

[boomshay]

a few of those had my eyes watering!

[mrgatorman]

Now thats good stuff...