A Russian, a Cuban, an American and a lawyer are riding on a train.
The Russian takes out a bottle of the best vodka out of his pack; pours some into a glass, drinks it, and says:
"In USSR, we have the best vodka of the world, nowhere in the world you can find vodka as good as the one we produce in Ukrainia. And we have so much of it, that we can just throw it away..."
Saying that, he goes to a window and throw the rest of the bottle through it. T he others are quite impressed.
The Cuban then pulls out a pack of Havanas, takes one of them, lights it and begins to smoke it saying: "In Cuba, we have the best cigars of the world: Havanas, nowhere in the world are there such good cigars and we have so many of them, that we can just throw them away..."
Saying that, he throws the pack of cigars through the window as the Conductor approaches. One more time, everybody is quite impressed.
Slowly, the American just stands up, with a superior smile.
He opens the window, and throws the lawyer through it...
Two monks from different monasteries were old friends who shared a great fondness for cigars. Once each year when they had a chance to visit, they would pray together and, of course, light up.
Eventually, however, they became concerned that there might be some sin in their habit and they each resolved to ask their respective superiors for guidance.
When they met again, one was puffing away.
"But the head of my monastery told me it was a sin," protested the other.
"What did you ask him?" said the first.
"I asked him if it was all right to smoke during evening prayer and he said, 'No.'"
"Well," said his friend as he blew a perfect smoke ring into the air, "I asked my superior if it was alright to pray during our evening smoke and he said it was just fine!"
The druggist approached the customer who had just lit a cigar. "Excuse me," he said, "but you can't smoke in here."
The irate customer puffed a stream of smoke from the side of his mouth. "Like hell I can't!! I just bought the damn thing here!"
"Big deal," replied the druggist. "We sell condoms here too.
A guy traveling through the prairies of the USA stopped at a small town and went to a bar. He stood at the end of the bar, ordered a drink, and lit up a cigar.
As he sipped his drink, he stood there quietly blowing smoke rings.
After he blew nine or ten smoke rings into the air, an angry American Indian stomped up to him and said, "One more remark like that and I'll smash your face in!"
Two friends were playing golf when one pulled out a cigar but he did not have a lighter so he asked his friend if he had one.
"I sure do," he replied and reached into his golf bag and pulled out a 12 inch Bic lighter.
"Wow!" said his friend, "Where did you get that monster?"
"I got it from my genie."
"You have a genie?" he asked. "Yes, he is right here in my golf bag."
"Could I see him?"
He opened his golf bag and out popped the genie. The friend turned to the genie and said,
"I am a good friend of your master. Will you grant me one wish?"
"Yes I will," the genie said.
"I wish for a million bucks!"
The genie hopped back into the golf bag and left him standing there waiting for his wish to be delivered.
Suddenly the sky began to darken and the sound of a million ducks flying overhead was heard.
The friend turned to his golfing partner, "I asked for a million bucks not ducks!"
"I forgot to tell you the genie is hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked him for a 12 inch Bic?"