|
Originally Posted by SeanGAR
Wednesday I faced something nobody wants to face: a 10 hour drive and only 2 small cigars (SCDH El Principe and a Gran Habano No. 5 Rothschild). I buckled down, got a crappy coffee and started my drive. A waited a full 5 minutes before breaking into the Gran Habano. Nice little cigar. 45 minutes later I started the SCDH. I know, I amazed myself at my restraint too. 85 minutes into the drive I was cigar-less. I knew I could hold out, I mean really, I don't smoke at all while I'm asleep, and that is usually 7 hours, so I can make 7 hours more driving, right?
It was somewhere in Tennessee that I broke down. I drive like this: stop only for gas when at 1/8 tank, pee, coffee, off I go. Well, there I was in central Tennessee, getting my coffee, when I spied them. Oh no, nothing as civilized as backwoods, the best looking cigar there was Swisher Sweets cigarillos Tips .... $2.05 plus tax later a 5 pak was mine.
I admired the wrapper while accelerating to 85 ... beautiful textured brown paper, just like the stuff the butchers used in the old days. I lovingly removed the cello, clear as a bell, I think these cigars have aged for at least 2 weeks. I looked at the plastic tip. Hmmmm......looks like some part of a tampon or something. Quite feminine really.....not something I expect construction workers or firemen would get into. But I was cruising and I figured, hell, why not.
I pulled over, carefully avoiding the 18 wheeleres whizzing by as I made my way to the trunk. I knew it was in there someplace......I always have some.....ah, there it was in the back, I pulled it out and got back in the driver seat. Just then I heard "take a walk on the wild side" on the radio. I took the duct that that had removed from the trunk, unwrapped 8 inches, and taped it to my chest. I did it again. I grabbed the end and ripped my hairs out. I did my chest. I used the tweezers from my Swiss army knife to pluck my eyebrows. I used M&Ms to color my lips red.
I was ready.
Plucked her eyebrows on the way
Shaved her legs and then he was a she
She says hey babe, take a walk on the wild side
Said hey honey, take a walk on the wild side
I took a draw on the Swisher. Sweet taste of artificial flavors .... a hint of 7 year of madagascar vanilla and bubble gum asailed my senses. I lit it up.
For a second....a nanosecond really, I almost got the impression that there might actually be tobacco in the Swisher. Fleetingly brief as it was, I was not prepared for the tastes that I found in the Swisher. After half an inch I had had enough. Lynyrd Skynyrd was back on the radio, I wiped the red coloring from my lips, and I farted. The Swisher went out the window just as I saw a coal-fired power plant. The other cigars went into the garbage at my next fill up.
Visuals: Injection molded plastic tip reminiscent of tampon. Well done paper wrapper, slight texturing. To call this short filler would be an understatement. Microfiller?
Pre-light taste: Bubble gum and other fake flavors.
Initial smoke impressions: Crap, I should have bought Marlboros. I smoked it almost an inch before disgust got the best of me.
Lesson learned: Don't drive anywhere without adequate smokes.
|
06-27-2006, 03:18 PM
A walk on the wild side.....
Similar Threads
