A/R ROBAINA Familiares ---- YIKES!

[horrorview]

Oh, how the Robaina name has been sullied...

I write this as a public service announcement, for, you see, I fell for the gimmick, folks. But I had good reason too; after all, these were ROBAINAS! They couldn't be all that bad, right? WRONG!

I give you the A/R Robaina Familiares...an Ecuadorian cigar that boasts...*cough*cough*...40% Pre-Embargo Cuban tobacco. I came across these after reading a newsletter from TWO GUYS SMOKESHOP and figured, what the hell. I mean, I've heard all of the stuff about the Pinar sticks, but this was a name I figured I could trust to at least make a smokeable cigar, right? I mean, even if the 40% old Cuban tobacco was nothing more than sprinkled on sawdust, the other 60% has to be good for something, right?

Once again! WRONG!!

I bought a box of these for $115 clams. Not a lot of cash, not a little cash. If you're like me, this is about what you'd spend every two weeks on cigars, so I figured a box of 25 would last me at least that. The package arrived and the box looked like their Cuban counterparts, replete with the purty little picture and the gold embossed R on both the box and the cigar bands. However, upon opening, I saw that each cigar was individually wrapped in cellophane, giving me the momentary fear that these were machine made. Upon closer inspection I saw that they were in fact man made.

Wait, scratch that. These weren't man made...these were man MANGLED.

Each stick had more bumps and bruises than Courtney Love after checking out of rehab. The maduro wrappers were super slick and I noticed that they left a dark residue on my fingers that made me suspect a little bit of a dye job to make them look extra dark. The cigars felt spongy and I just knew they wouldn't smoke right until they'd at least had a few days to settle, so I tossed the lot into my humi (sans cellophane) and waited a few days before I pulled one out to smoke.

I followed my usual protocol; pre-light drag, a toast, etc, and then lit the sucker up. The smoke was exceptionally harsh and hot, and, after two more pulls, the cigar went out. I lit it again, and this time managed to get it going for a little while, although, to be honest, I was ready to pitch it about a third of the way in because it tasted like monkey poo, but I figured I'd give it a chance and see if things got better. They didn't. When the thing managed to stay lit, all I did was flood my office with acrid smoke and fill my mouth will saliva that tasted slightly worse than bile.

Since I now had 24 more of these to go, I decided to sit on them for another week.

So, one week later, after smoking up all the other sticks in my humi, I returned out of desperation to the Familiares. They were a bit less spongy, so I figured they'd at least smoke better, and they did, sort of. They didn't taste any better, but they burned like champs, revealing all sorts of lovely "holes" where tobacco should have been were they competently rolled. Half way through the smoke, the cigar "canoed" all the way up one side, and it took the express train to my sewer via the toilet bowl.

I sent TWO GUYS a letter just to let them know my experiences with the cigars in hopes that they may rethink the paragraphs of glorious hyperbole with which they use to describe them. I realize, however, that they have a business to run and part of running a business is making your products sound better than they really are. After all, who's going to shell out $115 bucks on a box of cigars if they were described as "worse than the paper wrapped Garcia y Vega tubes you can buy at your local 7-11?"

So, in summary -

APPEARANCE - 0
CONSTRUCTION - 0
TASTE - 0
VALUE - 0

[Teninx]

Damn!

I would be very surprised if Dave at Two Guys doesn't respond with an offer to make this right. After all, 2 Guys is "...Stogie Heaven."

[carni]

wow, that sucks, hope they make it right.

[jpa0741]

Yes, but with old those lovely sicks you could not of entertained us with this great review.

[horrorview]

LOL! I know those guys are cool and I'm sure they'd probably offer to do something, but I'd decline it 'cause I'm the dumb bastage who actually thought that these things would be good.

I deserve to suffer, dammit!

[Xmodius]

Great review!

But, tells what you really think. Don't hold back.

[icehog3]

Jim, your reviews crack me up!! Glad to see you around, I missed you Brother!

[carbonbased_al]

Originally Posted by horrorview

Oh, how the Robaina name has been sullied...

I write this as a public service announcement, for, you see, I fell for the gimmick, folks. But I had good reason too; after all, these were ROBAINAS! They couldn't be all that bad, right? WRONG!

I give you the A/R Robaina Familiares...an Ecuadorian cigar that boasts...*cough*cough*...40% Pre-Embargo Cuban tobacco. I came across these after reading a newsletter from TWO GUYS SMOKESHOP and figured, what the hell. I mean, I've heard all of the stuff about the Pinar sticks, but this was a name I figured I could trust to at least make a smokeable cigar, right? I mean, even if the 40% old Cuban tobacco was nothing more than sprinkled on sawdust, the other 60% has to be good for something, right?

Once again! WRONG!!

I bought a box of these for $115 clams. Not a lot of cash, not a little cash. If you're like me, this is about what you'd spend every two weeks on cigars, so I figured a box of 25 would last me at least that. The package arrived and the box looked like their Cuban counterparts, replete with the purty little picture and the gold embossed R on both the box and the cigar bands. However, upon opening, I saw that each cigar was individually wrapped in cellophane, giving me the momentary fear that these were machine made. Upon closer inspection I saw that they were in fact man made.

Wait, scratch that. These weren't man made...these were man MANGLED.

Each stick had more bumps and bruises than Courtney Love after checking out of rehab. The maduro wrappers were super slick and I noticed that they left a dark residue on my fingers that made me suspect a little bit of a dye job to make them look extra dark. The cigars felt spongy and I just knew they wouldn't smoke right until they'd at least had a few days to settle, so I tossed the lot into my humi (sans cellophane) and waited a few days before I pulled one out to smoke.

I followed my usual protocol; pre-light drag, a toast, etc, and then lit the sucker up. The smoke was exceptionally harsh and hot, and, after two more pulls, the cigar went out. I lit it again, and this time managed to get it going for a little while, although, to be honest, I was ready to pitch it about a third of the way in because it tasted like monkey poo, but I figured I'd give it a chance and see if things got better. They didn't. When the thing managed to stay lit, all I did was flood my office with acrid smoke and fill my mouth will saliva that tasted slightly worse than bile.

Since I now had 24 more of these to go, I decided to sit on them for another week.

So, one week later, after smoking up all the other sticks in my humi, I returned out of desperation to the Familiares. They were a bit less spongy, so I figured they'd at least smoke better, and they did, sort of. They didn't taste any better, but they burned like champs, revealing all sorts of lovely "holes" where tobacco should have been were they competently rolled. Half way through the smoke, the cigar "canoed" all the way up one side, and it took the express train to my sewer via the toilet bowl.

I sent TWO GUYS a letter just to let them know my experiences with the cigars in hopes that they may rethink the paragraphs of glorious hyperbole with which they use to describe them. I realize, however, that they have a business to run and part of running a business is making your products sound better than they really are. After all, who's going to shell out $115 bucks on a box of cigars if they were described as "worse than the paper wrapped Garcia y Vega tubes you can buy at your local 7-11?"

So, in summary -

APPEARANCE - 0
CONSTRUCTION - 0
TASTE - 0
VALUE - 0

You took one for the team. Well done sir

You ever hear back from 2 Guys?????

[Boston_Dude05]

Great post and warning. I hope they make it right. Sounds like these are right up there with Cremosas. At least Cremosas are much cheaper.

[pinoyman]

Originally Posted by icehog3

Jim, your reviews crack me up!! Glad to see you around, I missed you Brother!

Sorry about that Bro.
Like what Tom said, we miss you Bro.

[horrorview]

Originally Posted by carbonbased_al

You took one for the team. Well done sir

You ever hear back from 2 Guys?????

LOL! Thanks, Joe.

Actually I haven't heard back from them, but I'm thinking they've probably gotten a lot of angry e-mails about this brand.

Heya Tommy and Rollito!! I'm ALWAYS around, but usually just in lurker mode unless I got something worth saying (which is rare!). These things needed to be commented on, though, for the good of BOTL everywhere!!

[floydp]

Well you do review horror movies Jimbo, guess you've taken to smokin em too. Hell of a review brother. Like the other bastages said, nice seeing yens around again.

[Papichulo]

This cigar company is from Guayaquil EC and I am down there twice a year. I have family and businesses down there. Next time I am down there I will pay them a visit and see what they have down there. They boast about 13 or more sticks. Some of them have a certain percentage of pre-embargo. I am really disappointed because I was planning to purchase some when my father inlaw is in Guayaquil. I will keep you posted and I am glad you shared this with us. That abosolutely sucks and I have no room for dog sticks. Let us know how it goes with two guys.

[horrorview]

Originally Posted by floydp

Well you do review horror movies Jimbo, guess you've taken to smokin em too. Hell of a review brother. Like the other bastages said, nice seeing yens around again.

Hahaha! It's actually more like a suspense film with these things, Frank! You never quite know what's going to happen, but you know it's gonna be BAD!

[horrorview]

Originally Posted by Papichulo

This cigar company is from Guayaquil EC and I am down there twice a year. I have family and businesses down there. Next time I am down there I will pay them a visit and see what they have down there. They boast about 13 or more sticks. Some of them have a certain percentage of pre-embargo. I am really disappointed because I was planning to purchase some when my father inlaw is in Guayaquil. I will keep you posted and I am glad you shared this with us. That abosolutely sucks and I have no room for dog sticks. Let us know how it goes with two guys.

Heya Papi! Definitely give us a head's up! According to the literature on Two Guys, the "pre-embargo" element is extremely limited, thus these cigars are supposed to be as well. Maybe they'll have to cut the pre-embargo with some more ground up bat feces to stretch it out a bit.