Once upon a time, there was a poor, bald, naive little boy.
So many times, he had fooled into thinking he was safe, that he could say whatever he liked in chat and no harm would come to him. Poor, bald, naive little boy.
But surely this time will be different. Surely, this time he could how he had really hoped to win that Drew Estate hat contest and someone like Trilobyte would just let it slide. So he opened his mouth and said what he felt.
So he opened his mouth and said what he felt.
And then the box arrived, and he said to himself, certainly there is only a hat in there. Only a hat wouldn't be too bad.
With fingers trembling, he slowly opened the package...
that poor, bald, little boy found...
THAT'S RIGHT, BOB SENT PIPE TOBACCO! You were expecting cigars? Surprise, sucker, because this cautionary tale isn't about me! It's about ALL OF YOU!
Bob's first pipe bomb shows that ANYBODY can be swayed and you are ALL in our sights! Do yourselves a favor and get your pipe now! Save yourself the pain and bombings! We have only begun!
Oh, and Bob, the hat looks and feels great. And if we run across each other online tonight, I'll probably be smoking this tobacco (for all of you who haven't been scared away yet, it's Eddie's House Blend, a concoction from Bob's local B&M) and wearing the hat. Thank you very much for both. Your generosity continues to astonish me.
And I'll take one last opportunity to mug for the camera. I know I look angry, but this hat is too bad ass for smiles.