Presenting the Top 50 Sports Jerks of All Time

[DriftyGypsy]

Presenting the Top 50 Sports Jerks of All Time

Some of my favorites:

[SIZE=2]39. Uga V -- The Georgia Bulldog mascot once tried to bite the cajones off of a rival Auburn player. Bad doggy! Jerk level: 2.1 (however, loses jerk points because of cuteness).

[/SIZE][SIZE=2]34. Overly sensitive fans of Barbaro -- It was a horse, dammit. IT WAS A HORSE! Jerk level: 2.7

[/SIZE][SIZE=2]30. Wilt Chamberlain -- Dang, dawg, 20,000 women? Even Paris Hilton says that's nasty. Jerk level: 2.8.

[/SIZE][SIZE=2]23. Claude Lemieux -- One of the all-time dirty players in sports. Once bit an opponent on the finger. Tasted like chicken. Jerkitude: 3.

[/SIZE][SIZE=2]18. Dale Earnhardt Sr. -- A jerk on wheels. Jerk score: 3.5.

[/SIZE]

[stevefrench]

I have to agree with the #1 pick:
[SIZE="3"]1. [/SIZE][SIZE="3"]O.J. Simpson -- Simpson receives the only DEFCON Jerkitude special ranking of six. He also receives a civilly-liable-murder bonus, a got-away-with-it bonus, a peddling-book-on-murders bonus, a still-searching-for-real-killer bonus and an overall-smarmy bonus. All-time jerkitude record of 6 that will never, ever be broken.[/SIZE]

[stig]

I wonder if Chris Benoit will bump OJ out of top spot next year.

Anyway, some of my favs from the list:

6. Mike Tyson -- Rapist, ear biter, bankrupt, drug user, perennial hoosegow resident. He is the perfect storm of jerkitude. Also provided some of the great quotes of all time. One was: "My power is discombobulatingly devastating. I could feel his muscle tissues collapse under my force. It's ludicrous these mortals even attempt to enter my realm."

Another: "I guess I'm gonna fade into Bolivian."

Another: "I can sell out Madison Square Garden masturbating."

Another was, speaking to reporters: "I'm on the Zoloft [an antidepressant] to keep from killing y'all."

Why would a tream put up with this? I don't care how good of a player he is, I would have beat him down and fired his sorry A$$.

And the best ever during a post-fight interview: "Lennox Lewis, I'm coming for you, man. My style is impetuous. My defense is impregnable and I'm just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat his children. Praise be to Allah!" Praise be to a jerk score of 4.9.

26. Tommy Lasorda -- A crotchety old goat responsible for one of the greatest tirades ever. Lasorda, when he managed the Dodgers, was asked by a reporter in May 1978 what he thought of Kingman hitting three home runs against his team.

Lasorda responded: "What's my opinion of Kingman's performance!? What the f--- do you think is my opinion of it? I think it was f------ horse s---! Put that in, I don't f------ care. Opinion of his performance? Jesus Christ, he beat us with three f------ home runs! What the f--- do you mean, 'What is my opinion of his performance?' How could you ask me a question like that, 'What is my opinion of his performance?' Jesus Christ, he hit three home runs! Jesus Christ! I'm f------ pissed off to lose the f------ game. And you ask me my opinion of his performance! Jesus Christ. That's a tough question to ask me, isn't it? 'What is my opinion of his performance?'"

Alert: special dispensation for massive foul language in public and verbal abuse. Potential jerk Hall of Fame candidate. Tommy: What is your opinion of a jerkitude score of 4?

44. Albert Belle -- This from former New York Times baseball writer Buster Olney: "It was a given in baseball circles that Albert Belle was nuts. ... The Indians billed him $10,000 a year for the damage he caused in clubhouses on the road and at home, and tolerated his behavior only because he was an awesome slugger. ... He slurped coffee constantly and seemed to be on a perpetual caffeinated frenzy. Few escaped his anger -- on some days he would destroy the postgame buffet ... launching plates into the shower ... after one poor at-bat against Boston, he retreated to the visitor's clubhouse and took a bat to teammate Kenny Lofton's boom box. Belle preferred to have the clubhouse cold, below 60 degrees, and when one chilly teammate turned up the heat, Belle walked over, turned down the thermostat and smashed it with his bat. His nickname, thereafter, was 'Mr. Freeze.'"