Well today I finally took control and asked my Chief if we could sit down and talk. I asked for his help with getting me into some type of anger management/stress management class/counseling. I need something or I'm going to snap. I'm smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day. Lately I haven't been able to get sleep (laid in bed thinking of work and my heart rate started climbing and I started shaking) I ended up sleeping on the couch, things I use to enjoy (shooting, bunny blasting, metal detecting) I don't want to do anymore.
I snap over the smallest things and I've yelled and said some really messed up things to a guy I work with, I don't think I can take them back but he just kept pushing me and pushing me and I lost control. Its getting bad, I don't leave my house on weekends anymore and I sit here on Puff. If the wife wants to have a conversation I clam up because I don't want to snap on her, but this clamming up is hurting our marriage. I'm just scared that I'm going to start yelling and freak out so I don't say anything at all.
I use Puff as an escape, I don't get mad here and I enjoy everyone's company. Its my stress relief after work. Even though this place is awesome for calming down I need to find a different way, I also need to figure out why I'm going crazy. Small things use to never bother me, now they are hitting every nerve. I don't know..
I'm nervous but glad my Chief was able to help me make the call for the appointment and also allow me to take time off work to get the help I need.
I consider everyone here to be really good friends so I'm just putting to words my feelings and asking for your encouragement. I told the wife about 30 minutes ago and she's glad I'm taking the first step.